early bird

I want more early morning people. Early morning people for the sunrises
and the first cup of coffee.
Morning chill, first light discovery. For firsts.

 Less late night people.

 I want less whiskey gingers and unconscious mid-mornings. 

Everything seems to be in the dark, including integrity. 

I want to be part of first impressions in the early morning. Something that doesn't just wake me up in  physical way, but in another way I can't explain. Give me something new.

new

Know what's awesome?
The fact that we wake up every day and go to sleep every night.
Waking up everyday with the sense of "new". A new day, a new start.
I love that.
Everyday we can choose to start over, or do something a little differently.

putting some roots down

I can't tell you how hard it is for me not to starting planning a travel adventure when things don't go my way. Like any person addicted to something that allows them to escape, alcohol, drugs, sex, exercise, Jesus, traveling.. It comes in all forms really.

Of course the last three not physically bad for you, however they can be just as detrimental, if not more. It can be a round about game. Hidding your pain with glory of standing on the Great Wall of China or that framed photo with your arm around an orphan accenting that arm with a WWJD bracelet. But don't get me wrong, I don't think I have a real problem..
or maybe the fact that I think I don't have a problem, means I actually do? Either way, my point is that I'm trying to commit to something a little different. Instead of uprooting, I'm going to try to, root.
The options of moving, moving and moving I think I may just redirect. Instead of scurrying away to the east coast for nursing school, traveling yet again or simply running around Portland so fast I may as well be out of the country anyway, I'm actually going to try and put roots down. Of course, when people enter your life that tug at your heart a certain way, it makes that choice a little easier. But when the reality of those types of relationships arose, and their level of emotion and dubious nature I panicked.  Here's how my brain works every time, every freakin time..
"Nursing school?! YEA do that. Get away. Go change the world, you'll be too busy changing the world that you won't notice your heart is there. Go, go, go, do, do, do. AND even if love finds it way into your life you'll have so much going on that you'll be to preoccupied to notice it. WAIT, am I ready for school? I dunno. Ok job.. travel.. South America?! OR maybe random Europe? Teach English?!"

Claire. Stop it.

If you're going to go, you need to be going for the right reasons. I stressed that to myself when I left for Central America, however it ended up being an escape, but not on purpose. After that day of freak out, I really sat with the idea of staying for no other reason than to step outside my atypical comfort zone and really try to create a stable life for myself. I have had dozens different groups of friends in Portland in the past five years I've called this place home, and this time I want to really nurture the ones I feel worth it and let them grow. In other words, really give time to my Portland family.

Amazing lettering done by the one and only Bob.

one thread

..and just like that.
there's one thread left.
statistics say it will break,
yet I'll take a chance.
at the same time I'll watch from a far.
but not for long.

toothbrush

Waking up from a sleeping pill sedated sleep is always a weird experience. It takes longer than normal to come back to reality. I heard Lacey in our shared bathroom and decided to go say good morning as I half brushed my teeth half just appreciating her presence. Then, she gave me a sly smile and whispered, "Grady is here".

Grady and Hunter had been traveling in SE Asia for the past 5 months got back yesterday and sure enough I opened her door and there sat one tall, stupidly tan Grady wearing a Chang T-shirt. With my toothbrush still in my mouth, I gave him a huge hug. The three of us talked the morning away, coffee in hand, about travel, love and simply our lovely little lives we live. However mine somewhat painful at the moment, I love how life brings me change when I need it. Change that may in fact help with change of a different nature.