savor moments

In the past week, I found myself savoring moments.
Saying..

"In this moment, I am happy".

Snowboarding. Driving back from an amazing day, sun setting, music loud, friends present.

Sunday's. Awake for hours, just cuddling the morning away. Acknowledging the sound of rain, but never not noticing my skin on his.

Running. Letting my mind slip away, miles click over. Amazed by what my body can do and where my mind can go.

My house and all the people in it. Laying around talking about heart things. Real things. 

"In this moment, I am happy".

the exposition of selfishness

29 hours left in Portland and its always a bittersweet goodbye, you would think that I would by use to these goodbyes. I've done them a lot. Leaving for camp every summer, California and my handful of times galloping off into the world. I've been told lately that I'm an extremely selfish person, which is hard to dismiss in that I try to live a life that is anything but selfish. However I look around to what I'm leaving coming back to and couldn't disagree more.
I've worked extremely hard to create what I have and internally be where I am. I deserve all of it. Being emotionally, mentally and physically responsible can easily be perceived at "selfish" but in actuality you are the only person to report back to at the end of the day. You can't make everyone happy, but you can make yourself happy.

I found this leaf in the midst of packing. I had saved it from last Fall, and a symbol of the person who picked this leaf up off the ground close to a year ago. I look at this leaf and have no regrets. None.

round again

I was slightly drunk, distraught, confused and hurt. I thought I knew everything I wanted, needed and desired only for it to be turned up side down. I starred at my computer screen, battling with myself wether or not to do it, to actually do it. I thought of the current place I was and who I was, none of it made me smile. I had lost myself within a vicious cycle of a relationship going on 3 years with a side of academic perfection overload. I needed an out, I knew that the answer had to be drastic for a drastic personality. I took a drink of my beer, a deep breathe and started typing in the 16 numbers that changed my life. Click to confirm.. *click.

10 months later I boarded that plane to Australia, running away from a broken relationship, a broken family, a broken Claire but denying every aspect of the broken. Once I switched hemispheres, I had the journey of a lifetime, I smiled again, I felt happy again and I even loved again. But as soon as I returned home I had to pick up where I left off. I took a year to finally.. well.. deal. 

This time is different. It's passion. Devotion. Friendship. Youth. Contentment. I'm finally taking off to travel for genuine reasons. Im not running away.. I'm running toward opportunity and I couldn't be happier. Why?

I recently realized I have the friends I'll be friends with for the rest of my life.

I recently realized I have a family thats so unperfected in the perfect way.

..therefore I'm free. Free to be, because I'm loved and supported to the end of the world and back

I also recently realized.. I'm one of the luckiest people in the entire world. How? Why? But thank you. To have beauty in every corner, to know love, to be loved, to have support, to be encouraged, to be safe, to be more than acknowledged, I thank God everyday.

The trip..

September 22nd PDX > LAX: ((First stop)) best friends wedding Ms. Nancy Tolman.. soon to be Waldron

September 26th LAX > GUA: Guatemala and the rest of Central America

November 24th NICARAGUA > LAX: Thanksgiving in Orange County

November 29th LAX > AUK: New Zealand. Finally reacquaint with Kait McNally for who knows what. But it will most definitely involve friendsday, goon, driving on the wrong side of the road and tim tam slams.

ticket ends there..

when all is said and done

Ahhh that feeling..
that feeling of accomplishment and fatigue that follows it.
Accomplishment in the fact I finished my paper 6 minutes before it was due.
Accomplishment in the fact I had been drinking for 28 hours previously.
Accomplishment in the fact I have so many beautiful people in my life.
Accomplishment in the fact that I am 24 and living the life I always dreamed of.
Accomplishment in the fact I realize I have been living the life I had always dreamed of.
I am seriously bursting with joy and feel no sense of guilt in expressing the amount of happiness I have. I mean.. any person who feels happiness should be on top of a mountain (or blog) shouting thanks to the universe. As everyone does, contemplating what makes you happy is what everyone does on a conscious or subconscious level.
There are many things in this incredible world that brings me joy.
-A powder day and the surreal silence that is unique to snow.
-A long day at school and work, to come home, grab my climbing shoes, walk in to The Circuit, dub step blasting, high five my fellow climbers and "flash" a route.
-Solo travel and that initial 10+ hour flight that offers serious time of reflection and anticipation of the unknown.
-Horses. The connection to a gentle but powerful animal while venturing into beautiful Oregon forest.
-Dancing my freaking face off
-Phone off. Music on. Secluded spot. Book.
-Dawn. Running shoes and an empty trail. The release that pounding some earth gives my soul.

But when it all comes down to it.. it's the people in your life. 

The relationships you succeed with various character and personalities.

 Its.. love.