Showing posts with label analysis. Show all posts
Showing posts with label analysis. Show all posts
8.21.2012
7.16.2012
midnight
12am seems like the perfect time to start writing.
So, today is now officially July 16th, a brand
new day. Odd, how minutes ago it was the end of something and just like that
it’s now something new. I wasn’t really prepared to appreciate this, newness. The thought kind of stresses me out. Did I
appreciate July 15th 2012 enough? Because I’ll never see that day
again, but I suppose it’s just a day, in a year.
What if the date changed in the middle of everyday instead?
12pm instead of 12am? I would think it would be mostly confusing. Mostly for
scheduling purposes, which is personally important to me. I like that we go to
bed and wake up to a new day, not just new because we woke up, but because
there’s a real number to it. A date. Set by math. The international language of
no dispute.
However, as I sit here grateful that humans are diurnal, I
find myself having a date with my laptop in the middle of the night. I must
admit, the night is beautifully mysterious. So here I am flirting with it.
And.. I do believe that’s the extent of which I share this
intimacy. Goodnight.
4.28.2012
upside down
Do you ever just stop and say..
I hate those days. Where you think you have it all figured out and then all of a sudden you feel as though you wandered off the path a few weeks ago but only realizing today. Now you're frantically trying to figure out how to get back on the right path. All the trees and plants you thought you knew turn out to all sorts of wrong. Then you realize your guide book is for a different country and your shoes are on the opposite feet. How are you just noticing this now?
Now everything is so upside you question everything. Is this really the color red? Do I really even like hiking in the first place?
"Wait, I don't know the first fucking thing about being a functional human"
I hate those days. Where you think you have it all figured out and then all of a sudden you feel as though you wandered off the path a few weeks ago but only realizing today. Now you're frantically trying to figure out how to get back on the right path. All the trees and plants you thought you knew turn out to all sorts of wrong. Then you realize your guide book is for a different country and your shoes are on the opposite feet. How are you just noticing this now?
Now everything is so upside you question everything. Is this really the color red? Do I really even like hiking in the first place?
3.19.2012
coming into full self
Never, ever, doubt your intuition. It's wrong 0% precent of the time.
Ignoring that voice is dangerous, self destructive. Acknowledging it makes it louder with time, bringing with it assurance in choices and decisions that normally would be hard. 24 still continues to be the best year ever on so many levels. The reward of awkward 23 all all those years before it. I can't stress enough how important it is to allow yourself to really feel your awkward, messy, sometimes painful parts of life. Understand them and in turn understanding yourself and most importantly, letting it go. The more you force yourself to be internally responsible, the more prepared it makes you for future mishaps.
Ignoring that voice is dangerous, self destructive. Acknowledging it makes it louder with time, bringing with it assurance in choices and decisions that normally would be hard. 24 still continues to be the best year ever on so many levels. The reward of awkward 23 all all those years before it. I can't stress enough how important it is to allow yourself to really feel your awkward, messy, sometimes painful parts of life. Understand them and in turn understanding yourself and most importantly, letting it go. The more you force yourself to be internally responsible, the more prepared it makes you for future mishaps.
Always take care of you first. Never allowing anything or anyone stray you otherwise.
It's healthy and it's happy.
Damn. 25 is gonna be epic.
2.28.2012
putting some roots down
I can't tell you how hard it is for me not to starting planning a travel adventure when things don't go my way. Like any person addicted to something that allows them to escape, alcohol, drugs, sex, exercise, Jesus, traveling.. It comes in all forms really.
Of course the last three not physically bad for you, however they can be just as detrimental, if not more. It can be a round about game. Hidding your pain with glory of standing on the Great Wall of China or that framed photo with your arm around an orphan accenting that arm with a WWJD bracelet. But don't get me wrong, I don't think I have a real problem..
or maybe the fact that I think I don't have a problem, means I actually do? Either way, my point is that I'm trying to commit to something a little different. Instead of uprooting, I'm going to try to, root.
The options of moving, moving and moving I think I may just redirect. Instead of scurrying away to the east coast for nursing school, traveling yet again or simply running around Portland so fast I may as well be out of the country anyway, I'm actually going to try and put roots down. Of course, when people enter your life that tug at your heart a certain way, it makes that choice a little easier. But when the reality of those types of relationships arose, and their level of emotion and dubious nature I panicked. Here's how my brain works every time, every freakin time..
"Nursing school?! YEA do that. Get away. Go change the world, you'll be too busy changing the world that you won't notice your heart is there. Go, go, go, do, do, do. AND even if love finds it way into your life you'll have so much going on that you'll be to preoccupied to notice it. WAIT, am I ready for school? I dunno. Ok job.. travel.. South America?! OR maybe random Europe? Teach English?!"
or maybe the fact that I think I don't have a problem, means I actually do? Either way, my point is that I'm trying to commit to something a little different. Instead of uprooting, I'm going to try to, root.
The options of moving, moving and moving I think I may just redirect. Instead of scurrying away to the east coast for nursing school, traveling yet again or simply running around Portland so fast I may as well be out of the country anyway, I'm actually going to try and put roots down. Of course, when people enter your life that tug at your heart a certain way, it makes that choice a little easier. But when the reality of those types of relationships arose, and their level of emotion and dubious nature I panicked. Here's how my brain works every time, every freakin time..
"Nursing school?! YEA do that. Get away. Go change the world, you'll be too busy changing the world that you won't notice your heart is there. Go, go, go, do, do, do. AND even if love finds it way into your life you'll have so much going on that you'll be to preoccupied to notice it. WAIT, am I ready for school? I dunno. Ok job.. travel.. South America?! OR maybe random Europe? Teach English?!"
Claire. Stop it.
If you're going to go, you need to be going for the right reasons. I stressed that to myself when I left for Central America, however it ended up being an escape, but not on purpose. After that day of freak out, I really sat with the idea of staying for no other reason than to step outside my atypical comfort zone and really try to create a stable life for myself. I have had dozens different groups of friends in Portland in the past five years I've called this place home, and this time I want to really nurture the ones I feel worth it and let them grow. In other words, really give time to my Portland family.
Amazing lettering done by the one and only Bob.
2.05.2012
sunsets
We all know don't we? We all know a sunset means something we can't describe. We all agree it's beautiful, peaceful and worth taking a moment for. There's not many of those things left. That a whole human race can agree on. Here I was in Oakland watching the sun set over San Francisco. Having left the bar at half time of the super bowl this day had an essence of importance already. The sun set today February 6th 2012 would mean a variety of things to people all over the world. The day someone they would love was born, the day someone the loved died, the day of the engagement or the day of the job. Maybe it was just the day the Giants won the superbowl, but for most, just another day.
I take this picture. Reflect on my purpose in being in San Fransisco in the first place, then observe another spectator taking a picture of this same shot with his white iphone, just like mine. I like the feel of that connection. Taking a moment from our busy lives that we have to stay connected to at all times via the internet and the various forms of constant communication.
We all know don't we?
That sunsets aren't only beautiful but scream some sort of symbolism to us. Today will never happen again, for good or evil. For better for worse. So the sun sets, my mind shifts and I make my way to the San Francisco Airport. Window seat as always, I evaluated my mood. Was I in a reading mood, watching Dexter mood, writing mood or listening to music and sleeping mood? It was a reading mood. We hadn’t even reached flight cruising altitude and I turned to a chapter titled “Instructions for Freedom” using sunsets and their symbolism.
I’m a person of fate, small or large circumstances. I don’t believe in coincidence, I believe in purposeful parallels. Call me widely optimistic, purpose hungry, naïve, typical soul searching twenty something- I don’t give a shit. I call it fate. Something that is very real in my life and should never be ignored.
“Instructions for Freedom” are ten observations of typical life hardships that can be helped with simply letting go. Using the idea of a sun setting (which actually happens every day) as a method of letting go unnecessary emotions. Guilt, regret, worry, anger are just a few that are meaningless, however difficult in simply.. letting go. Here's a few I liked..
7. Let your intention be freedom from useless suffering. Let go.
8. Watch the heat of day pass into the cool night. Let go.
The “Instructions of Freedom” also gave a reminder in the opposite corner of the ring, that even the most beautiful, happiest of things end at some point. That no matter how beautiful and perfect you believed that event, day, person to be, that time may be ending and turning into something else beautiful is a new form, with new colors if you will.
3. The day is ending. It's for something that was beautiful to turn into something else that is beautiful. Now, let go.
1.26.2012
fire
I woke up this morning a little differently than lately.
I didn't fall back asleep three or four times before facing the cruel world that I seem to be living in resent months. I kept my eyes open, threw open my curtains, laid in bed staring at the surprisingly sunny winter morning outside my window and instantly realized I still have my fire. As though I came to a breaking point of beatings, in which made the pendulum swing back the other way.
I didn't fall back asleep three or four times before facing the cruel world that I seem to be living in resent months. I kept my eyes open, threw open my curtains, laid in bed staring at the surprisingly sunny winter morning outside my window and instantly realized I still have my fire. As though I came to a breaking point of beatings, in which made the pendulum swing back the other way.
My fire.
It's what has me obsessed with travel, learning, loving, moving. It's what attaches me to others I find that have fire. It's all of who I am. I have never been in a place in my life where I'm not stimulated through a variety of outlets. I have always been in school, working and at least 2-4 extracurriculars. I thrive in controlled chaos and constant movement, as said many times in this blog, change is my happy place. But then I graduated. However I always had nannying to fall back on for a in-between job till nursing school, and that I did. So returning home from traveling I didn't doubt I would once again have nannying to fall back on. Wrong. It's as though someone let the secret out and everyone and their mom (literally) is chasing a nanny gig. Or someone has it out for me and is sabotaging me by telling every nanny seeking family that I eat babies for breakfast and toddlers for dinner. Or somehow there was a huge generation of kids that suddenly made it to school age and those pervious nannies are back in the market for a job. It has to be something in that the balance of nanny to family ratio is totally off. SOMETHING.
It's what has me obsessed with travel, learning, loving, moving. It's what attaches me to others I find that have fire. It's all of who I am. I have never been in a place in my life where I'm not stimulated through a variety of outlets. I have always been in school, working and at least 2-4 extracurriculars. I thrive in controlled chaos and constant movement, as said many times in this blog, change is my happy place. But then I graduated. However I always had nannying to fall back on for a in-between job till nursing school, and that I did. So returning home from traveling I didn't doubt I would once again have nannying to fall back on. Wrong. It's as though someone let the secret out and everyone and their mom (literally) is chasing a nanny gig. Or someone has it out for me and is sabotaging me by telling every nanny seeking family that I eat babies for breakfast and toddlers for dinner. Or somehow there was a huge generation of kids that suddenly made it to school age and those pervious nannies are back in the market for a job. It has to be something in that the balance of nanny to family ratio is totally off. SOMETHING.
At this point in my life I really have nothing to offer the job market. My serving experience is limited to three months of opening wine bottles, plate balancing and chatting with older, small town Australian couples. My retail experience while broad, is very much a part of my life when I could handle whoring myself out to unruly brand hungry, customers. Oh and that bachelors degree I obtained? Only a piece of paper to cut my time in nursing school in half. So basically worthless for seeking a current job. $40,000 well spent. But I have had nannying. Five years of experience and on top of actual nanny experience-- camp counselor, volunteering, first aid trained, ABA trained, CPR trained, the list goes on. And it was rewarding, not to mention forever changing.
This morning I woke up with beautiful surrender. I'm letting the universe have it's way. This is not to be confused with giving up. I'm just going to stop making things go in the direction I think they should. I'm going to do everything I can to find a fucking job. But in between emails and interviews, I'm chasing the original source that has put me in a place of constant stimulation. My fire, my drive, my passion and the devoted love I have for my rare independence.
1.09.2012
I'm looking for a word..
I'm searching for the word.
Maybe you can help me?
One word that defines how I live,
why I do what I do
and the other beings I meet that share this some what of a rarity with me.
I'm a human of constant movement, movement in terms of self. Always searching for understanding. Understanding friendship, love, emotions, drive, career, the list goes on. I thrive on learning, like real life learning. Pain or happiness, both are the essential sources of this pattern. I believe I feel deeper than most, in a positive and negative way, but in the end its mostly positive that I do. I'm very much in my head which makes things more complicated than they need to be for the most part. I believe or society teaches us that we can always change something about ourselves, that if you experience self acceptance, theres something wrong with you. You're cocky, a bitch, over confident. That if you're not saying you're not pretty enough, funny enough, smart enough, something enough-- you're delusional.
So what is my word? Something along the lines of a seeker, something that doesn't have an end point. Full of emotion and constantly moving. I'm going to find it.
Maybe you can help me?
One word that defines how I live,
why I do what I do
and the other beings I meet that share this some what of a rarity with me.
So what is my word? Something along the lines of a seeker, something that doesn't have an end point. Full of emotion and constantly moving. I'm going to find it.
"What is that word.."
-Drew Baylor
1.05.2012
oh hi 2012
Last night was a Misty night.
I've blogged about these occurrences before. If you're a faithful freebirdclaire reader, you'll recall what it means that I got to spend an evening with Misty. But more likely, you're a random, reading this random blog, so long story short Misty and I have been friends since we were five, rendezvous at PSU for college life, coincidentally both on the path of a career focused around medicine. Mine becoming a nurse and hers becoming a doctor. Therefore leaving me to only a handful of times a year I get to really spend time with Misty (in between terms when she's not working hard at her perfect GPA, med school resume and MCAT prep). So tonight was a rare occasion I got some heart time with this lovely soul and something that stuck out tonight..
I've blogged about these occurrences before. If you're a faithful freebirdclaire reader, you'll recall what it means that I got to spend an evening with Misty. But more likely, you're a random, reading this random blog, so long story short Misty and I have been friends since we were five, rendezvous at PSU for college life, coincidentally both on the path of a career focused around medicine. Mine becoming a nurse and hers becoming a doctor. Therefore leaving me to only a handful of times a year I get to really spend time with Misty (in between terms when she's not working hard at her perfect GPA, med school resume and MCAT prep). So tonight was a rare occasion I got some heart time with this lovely soul and something that stuck out tonight..
"I'm doing what makes me feel me,
that gives me understanding
and a sense of being on top of the world"
This was brought up in a midst of a conversation about people in our lives accepting you for who you are. Misty comes from a family of farmers in middle of no where Oregon. So pursuing medicine can be confusing for people close to her at times. But this really resonated with me because I feel the same criticism for the opposite, that I am taking time off from pursuing what I thought made me whole (and still very well may be that). To be honest, the biggest critic is probably myself and any input from other people on this choice that even resembles some hesitation to my decision, really eats at me. As if I have to convince them and in turn convincing myself that I am making the right decision and chasing what makes me feel on top of the world right now. In the past five years I have put so much self worth into becoming a nurse, that now I cant help like feel like a bit lost. However I know I'm doing the right thing. It's all a bit confusing I know.
Lacey and I were watching The Devil Wears Prada last night as we reheated our leftovers and snuggled under a blanket in our ancient house that refuses to stay warm. As we watched Anne Hathaway bend over backwards to make it big in New York City, Lacey giggled and said "It's funny to watch movies like this, watching women our age chasing after their dream career, willing to destroy their personal lives for it, and you and I are nannies". Lacey shares the same "in the mean time job as me" and I envy her ability to be SO much "in the mean time". Why am I so affected by what society tells me is the "correct" way to live in only this part of my life? I'm really good with doing my own thing in every other genre of typical social life paths, except this one. Yet I'm positive I'm where I'm suppose to be right now. This is my current challenge, letting my self worth rest purely on.. me.
12.27.2011
dreamers
"she's going to be bad for me because she's such a dreamer too"
Man I can relate to that. My best friend and I both happen to be a Gemini. This is what I use to put a name to a lot of oddities about myself, and sometimes it serves as a understanding to what makes Rena and I soulmate best friends. Anyway, according to this maybe made up/ maybe not thing called astrology, Gemini's tend to have wide and varied interests and innate curiosity has us chasing after 9 different outlets at time. Being home I have already faced..
craft projects
sewing projects
^both left over from summer before I left for traveling
furniture projects
art projects
photo projects
a desire to learn Spanish
a desire to run a half marathon
a need to rock climb regularly
a need to make more weekend trips
a want to read books in cafes
a want to volunteer
.. ok that was 11 things.
So I decided to stop "spreading myself so thin". On Friday night I exited my empty house, took advantage of the holiday emptiness and camped out at Powells for 5 whole hours. I love those nights. I dabbled in the green room, rose room, purple room and then found myself in the red room and thats when a Gemini book caught my eye. I read the entire thing and now taking advice from a freakin astrology book to not "spread myself so thin "and concrete on two, maybe three interests. And what better time to start all this come January first?
SO
1. Lacey and I are training for a half marathon.
2. Rock climbing. I mean it's something I really can't not have in my life.
3. Attempt to learn Spanish.
boo yauh.
9.15.2011
season finale
I went for a run yesterday at the waterfront and stopped dead in my tracks when I saw the trees.
OH geez.
physicality of change along with emotional. I swear I'm waiting for some TV network to hop out of the bushes and shake my hand. Thank me for the awesome dramatic, heart felt footage they captured during summer 2011 in Portland. Don't get me wrong, this summer has been the best summer of my entire life and the small mishaps have made it so. Right now however is most interesting. I parted ways with wonderful Mr. Neil Fitzgerald this morning after an Ambien gifting (the most necessary sleeping pill when traveling). After some long hugs we parted with smiles knowing that the next time we see each other will be on foreign soil. Neil and I will be reuniting in none other than Sydney, Australia for Mardi Gras!
Too perfect. However the fact that Neil is leaving means that I leave in exactly one week. Take all this and stir in a bit of recent change of events, the results are: unpredictable with a hint of love and chaos. Am I being vague? I have to so I don't ruin the potential series finale that might end up on showtime.
They. have. started. to. change. color.
Sunday was 95 degrees and definitely the last day of summer. Monday showed up with clouds and a high of 72, a clear arrival of autumn.
physicality of change along with emotional. I swear I'm waiting for some TV network to hop out of the bushes and shake my hand. Thank me for the awesome dramatic, heart felt footage they captured during summer 2011 in Portland. Don't get me wrong, this summer has been the best summer of my entire life and the small mishaps have made it so. Right now however is most interesting. I parted ways with wonderful Mr. Neil Fitzgerald this morning after an Ambien gifting (the most necessary sleeping pill when traveling). After some long hugs we parted with smiles knowing that the next time we see each other will be on foreign soil. Neil and I will be reuniting in none other than Sydney, Australia for Mardi Gras!
8.06.2011
round again
I was slightly drunk, distraught, confused and hurt. I thought I knew everything I wanted, needed and desired only for it to be turned up side down. I starred at my computer screen, battling with myself wether or not to do it, to actually do it. I thought of the current place I was and who I was, none of it made me smile. I had lost myself within a vicious cycle of a relationship going on 3 years with a side of academic perfection overload. I needed an out, I knew that the answer had to be drastic for a drastic personality. I took a drink of my beer, a deep breathe and started typing in the 16 numbers that changed my life. Click to confirm.. *click.
The trip..
10 months later I boarded that plane to Australia, running away from a broken relationship, a broken family, a broken Claire but denying every aspect of the broken. Once I switched hemispheres, I had the journey of a lifetime, I smiled again, I felt happy again and I even loved again. But as soon as I returned home I had to pick up where I left off. I took a year to finally.. well.. deal.
This time is different. It's passion. Devotion. Friendship. Youth. Contentment. I'm finally taking off to travel for genuine reasons. Im not running away.. I'm running toward opportunity and I couldn't be happier. Why?
I recently realized I have the friends I'll be friends with for the rest of my life.
I recently realized I have a family thats so unperfected in the perfect way.
..therefore I'm free. Free to be, because I'm loved and supported to the end of the world and back
I also recently realized.. I'm one of the luckiest people in the entire world. How? Why? But thank you. To have beauty in every corner, to know love, to be loved, to have support, to be encouraged, to be safe, to be more than acknowledged, I thank God everyday.
September 22nd PDX > LAX: ((First stop)) best friends wedding Ms. Nancy Tolman.. soon to be Waldron
September 26th LAX > GUA: Guatemala and the rest of Central America
November 24th NICARAGUA > LAX: Thanksgiving in Orange County
November 29th LAX > AUK: New Zealand. Finally reacquaint with Kait McNally for who knows what. But it will most definitely involve friendsday, goon, driving on the wrong side of the road and tim tam slams.
ticket ends there..
6.15.2011
paper trail
The past 4 years, 8 months and 26 days have been perfect. Every regret, mistake, success, gain and loss. It was all perfect. All what has brought me here today.
6.10.2011
Graduate college: Check
This morning I woke up at my body clock time: 7am. The time that my body has instilled after 9 months of 20 credits of tedious social science classes, biology classes that alone make me want to cry, 20 hours a week of owning up to the job title as "nanny" and trying to squeeze the logistics of being an adult with in it all. But this morning I woke up and.. and.. I rolled over and said no. No we don't have to do this anymore well trained body, there are no tests to get up and study for, no papers we need to finish.. we are done. It feels so good, to finally be done. It only took 6 years to graduate but I'm reassured with that decision having visited 9 countries, experiences under my belt that school would not have presented me otherwise and descent grades to leave PSU with.
This morning I can finally allow creativity back into my heart and soul. I can dust off the journal, my photos, sewing machine and books and finally reacquaint myself with the opposite side of my brain. Where I'm living this summer is a little ironic and a tad symbolic. I lived at SW Columbia with my friend and room mate Lyndsey for my Junior and (what should of been) my Senior year's of college. Through ASPSU (PSU student government) I met her then and current boyfriend Ethan who I shared the adventures of decision making and advocacy via college and a youthful eager heart. I moved in with Lyndsey on a acquaintance basis and two years later I had an amazing friend. Lyndsey and Ethan now live together at SW Columbia and my room has acted as guest room. For this summer I was looking for somewhere dirt cheap to live in order to take off into the world in the Fall. With out even blinking Lyndsey offered my old room to me for a rent price I couldn't pass on. I was honestly a bit apprehensive only because I have had a lot of emotionally deep experiences linked to this apartment and this room. I dated my boyfriend of 3 years almost the whole time I lived there and a lot of memories of my early years of college linked to this place I once laid my head. You know what I mean? I was afraid I would wake up and find myself living in the past, haunted with nostalgia. However I accepted Lyndsey's generous offer and here I am living in my old room I occupied 2007-2009. Yesterday I woke up at 5am and walked to school to study before my last final. That walk I had done hundred's of times. The sun was rising, no one was out, the smell of summer in the air and I definitely teared up for a moment. A walk that I had done so many times and to now walking it for the last time. I thought of the person I was when I had done this walk the first time, the things I would have been thinking about, doing later that day and settled in that moment of growth. Oh rites of passage.
Besides that moment, no sense of heart tugging nostalgia has snaked into my heart, no regrets, no overflow of memories, just peace in relation to SW Columbia. I look back, smile, feel grateful of the life I have lived and turn forward even more excited to move on. *sighh. Queen of nostalgia is absent of..well.. nostalgia in a place that I thought would inevitable overwhelm me with such. Ah freebird..
and this photo was taken when Lyns and I lived together.. in this same apartment back in 2008. I'd say things haven't change in the sense of our friendship..
Besides that moment, no sense of heart tugging nostalgia has snaked into my heart, no regrets, no overflow of memories, just peace in relation to SW Columbia. I look back, smile, feel grateful of the life I have lived and turn forward even more excited to move on. *sighh. Queen of nostalgia is absent of..well.. nostalgia in a place that I thought would inevitable overwhelm me with such. Ah freebird..
5.08.2010
putting it in perspective
M.I.A, Born Free from ROMAIN-GAVRAS on Vimeo.
This video is extremely powerful. I love that artists are taking an initiative to bring humanitarian or politic issues to the table using pop culture and the media to do so. The video says to me that genocide IS STILL occurring all over the over, we are just blessed not to deal with it on the front foot. We don't have to worry about sleeping at night or getting coffee at the local cafe. M.I.A. does an amazing job using red-heads to show what it would be like and a comparison that hits home.
-educate yourself-
5.06.2010
lets change it up a bit
so this is how it went..
I've always been an all around active person especially with running. One of my goals is to run a marathon and now that I have a bit more structure in my life, training a bit harder and racking up the mileage has been easier to fit in my schedule, confused why I'm not burning off the "travel calories" as fast as I thought, my boyfriend brought up a good point..
Alcohol has a TON of calories, especially in my drink of choice, which happens to be darker beers. It's not like I get drunk all the time, but I do frequent happy hour, go out once or twice a weekend and do love a beer during studying to bite the edge. I'm happy with my weight for the most part, but then I actually put thought into giving up alcohol, I was shocked that I really didn't think I could do it. There's Ahmanis birthday this weekend with the beer Olympics, Cinco De Mayo, happy hour Wednesday with David, happy hour Sundays with Neil, going out on the weekends, Canada in two weeks, lifty beers at the mountain, after midterms beers.. shitttt. Alcohol really is in my everyday life. Oh about next month? "But Claire, there will ALWAYS be something" -Ben, hmm you're right. Next month is end of school partys, friend graduation partys, beginning of summer, sun river with the crew, Alli's visit, Rylee and Caitlin's birthday's WOW. so..
It's funny to think that I could EASILY not get drunk for a month, but giving up my mirror pond at happy hour or a glass of red with the girls, is a challenge. On that note I have officially hit my mid-twenties in alcohol maturity, HAH! It's good to know I'm past my earlier college days of getting wasted every night and using fake ID's to go out to the oh so "cool bars". I know I can have fun without alcohol, could do with out the extra calories, more cash in my pocket and I love a little challenge. So I'm not drinking for 30 days (until my birthday May 30th), which ironically is going to be themed like a child's birthday party.. haha. Bring it!
I've always been an all around active person especially with running. One of my goals is to run a marathon and now that I have a bit more structure in my life, training a bit harder and racking up the mileage has been easier to fit in my schedule, confused why I'm not burning off the "travel calories" as fast as I thought, my boyfriend brought up a good point..
Alcohol has a TON of calories, especially in my drink of choice, which happens to be darker beers. It's not like I get drunk all the time, but I do frequent happy hour, go out once or twice a weekend and do love a beer during studying to bite the edge. I'm happy with my weight for the most part, but then I actually put thought into giving up alcohol, I was shocked that I really didn't think I could do it. There's Ahmanis birthday this weekend with the beer Olympics, Cinco De Mayo, happy hour Wednesday with David, happy hour Sundays with Neil, going out on the weekends, Canada in two weeks, lifty beers at the mountain, after midterms beers.. shitttt. Alcohol really is in my everyday life. Oh about next month? "But Claire, there will ALWAYS be something" -Ben, hmm you're right. Next month is end of school partys, friend graduation partys, beginning of summer, sun river with the crew, Alli's visit, Rylee and Caitlin's birthday's WOW. so..
It's funny to think that I could EASILY not get drunk for a month, but giving up my mirror pond at happy hour or a glass of red with the girls, is a challenge. On that note I have officially hit my mid-twenties in alcohol maturity, HAH! It's good to know I'm past my earlier college days of getting wasted every night and using fake ID's to go out to the oh so "cool bars". I know I can have fun without alcohol, could do with out the extra calories, more cash in my pocket and I love a little challenge. So I'm not drinking for 30 days (until my birthday May 30th), which ironically is going to be themed like a child's birthday party.. haha. Bring it!
4.08.2010
pop culture
I have never been one of those people that are afraid to talk in front of people. So I tend to be one of those people in class that answers the discussion points professors make. I don’t necessarily do it because I’m really excited about that topic, more so because I feel bad that the professor gets crickets when he asks the class something he finds important. In every class there are those 3-5 people that generally talk a lot in class, and I am always one of those.
Well in this particular class I find myself actually talking because it’s interesting, who would have thought. I’m taking a University Studies class that actually doesn’t suck, called popular culture. Today we covered the youtube, facebook and how appropriate blogging worlds. Facebook particularly is truly our alter ego, we post photos that we want the world to see, status updates about how exciting our lives are and offering a little box were people can confirm whenever we are projecting. It’s a social networking, a new level of friendship and communication because talking in person nowadays is just to awkward right? haha.
This pop culture of social networking via the internet has some unbelievably good things coming from it. for starters.. the hug campaign. The hug campaign started with a man named Juan Mann, he had returned home after traveling and there was no one to greet him in the air port. While everyone else from his plane was showered with love he wrote "Free hugs" on a piece of cardboard and the rest is history. As most of you know he posted this on youtube and become famous overnight. I came in contact with one of these great people in Pikes Places in Seattle and one of my favorite photos of all times thanks to Micah Parson..
Something that really bothers me on the other hand is how popular culture doesn’t always coincide with what is being represented. My two PET PEEVES..
1. the word “gay”.
When someone says “that’s gay” they are intending that thing is stupid, dumb, lame etc, intending that gay people are anyone of those words. I often call people out on it when they use that word in that context. “Really, you think raised trucks are gay?” hmmm I don’t see anything homosexual about that, then people start to think a bit on what they are actually saying. Not only do I support gay rights in every sense, but there are a lot of people I care about in my life that happen to be gay. So please, think before popular culture overtakes your vocabulary
2. The representation of the peace sign
I know two people in this world (proud shout out to Allison Suvanto and Zach Stutzman) that wear peace sign paraphernalia and truly fit the meaning (as much as humans can). I once witnessed a girl with a peace sign necklace on, order a latte at starbucks, only to scream at the batista that her latte clearly had milk in it as opposed to soy. Is this a sign of peace?
On conclusion, I ask to think a bit before you take up a trend.
Well in this particular class I find myself actually talking because it’s interesting, who would have thought. I’m taking a University Studies class that actually doesn’t suck, called popular culture. Today we covered the youtube, facebook and how appropriate blogging worlds. Facebook particularly is truly our alter ego, we post photos that we want the world to see, status updates about how exciting our lives are and offering a little box were people can confirm whenever we are projecting. It’s a social networking, a new level of friendship and communication because talking in person nowadays is just to awkward right? haha.
This pop culture of social networking via the internet has some unbelievably good things coming from it. for starters.. the hug campaign. The hug campaign started with a man named Juan Mann, he had returned home after traveling and there was no one to greet him in the air port. While everyone else from his plane was showered with love he wrote "Free hugs" on a piece of cardboard and the rest is history. As most of you know he posted this on youtube and become famous overnight. I came in contact with one of these great people in Pikes Places in Seattle and one of my favorite photos of all times thanks to Micah Parson..
Something that really bothers me on the other hand is how popular culture doesn’t always coincide with what is being represented. My two PET PEEVES..
1. the word “gay”.
When someone says “that’s gay” they are intending that thing is stupid, dumb, lame etc, intending that gay people are anyone of those words. I often call people out on it when they use that word in that context. “Really, you think raised trucks are gay?” hmmm I don’t see anything homosexual about that, then people start to think a bit on what they are actually saying. Not only do I support gay rights in every sense, but there are a lot of people I care about in my life that happen to be gay. So please, think before popular culture overtakes your vocabulary
2. The representation of the peace sign
I know two people in this world (proud shout out to Allison Suvanto and Zach Stutzman) that wear peace sign paraphernalia and truly fit the meaning (as much as humans can). I once witnessed a girl with a peace sign necklace on, order a latte at starbucks, only to scream at the batista that her latte clearly had milk in it as opposed to soy. Is this a sign of peace?
On conclusion, I ask to think a bit before you take up a trend.
1.20.2010
The popular kid, isn’t so popular. Wake up America.
I’ve been on my own for only a week and a half and I really wish I would have backpacked on my own sooner. I love being on my own schedule, meeting new people and seeing whatever I want, when I want. I guess this is a warm up for future travels (I’m already planning my next one, South America. haha). For the future, I’m going to be picky about who I travel with, its not like many of my friends back home travel much anyway, which is part of the reason I’m blogging the following. As expected, I’ve met a lot of backpackers from all over the world in the past month, and in the 100’s of people I’ve met, I’ve only met 3 Americans, all of them only being over here for one month, either break from school or a few weeks off work.
The first American I met, I was really embarrassed for him. It’s only natural for other culture to generalize a country off their experiences. He was a 20 year old male from San Diego, California. He started talking to me at Fraser when we were camping at the aboriginal camp. He noticed that I was wearing rainbow flip flops, a give away for the west coast and asked me what I thought of Australia, I gave him my honest opinion of loving it and asked for his. His response was so stereotypical arrogant American, I nervously looked around to everyone near and hoped they were to drunk to notice him. ‘I mean I don’t know what the big deal is, Australia has beaches and so does California, there’s to many mosquito’s and people are weird, I’m excited to go home in a week. I only came out here because my mom had to go to Brisbane for work”. I quickly drank the rest of my drink and said I needed a refill, I didn’t want to associate myself with him, especially since he was American. Throughout the night when people learned I was American they jokingly (but not) asked if I was ready to go home too, obviously they had met Blake. I felt I had to quickly get on a soap box and preach that not all Americans are that way, it didn’t matter, so I stopped justifying.
The second Americans I met are two girls that I currently share my dorm room with. Being excited they were American girls and backpacking, I started chatting to them. They were nice, and responded to my questions, but quickly grabbed their bags and went for bigger and better things. I tried to talk to them a few more times, but it was a one way conversation for the most part. They were also in Australia for only a month. At night, at all the hostels everyone eats together and gets to know one another, those girls ate together then went to the room, never socializing with anyone else. In the past month I am 100 percent of the time assumed as Canadian and when correcting someone, they are shocked. The response is either “and you’re by yourself” or “you really don’t seem American”. I’ve come to realize through talking to others and seeing it for myself that America sucks as a backpacker…
So listen up America.. for those of you who want to travel, but you’re waiting around for your friends, stop being a baby and go for it on your own. Those of you who go together, stop being babies as well and embrace this opportunity to talk to people, learn about other cultures, and be stoked about being in a new. I am more and more becoming embarrassed of my country, not only because of the numerous bad experiencing other backpackers have had with us, but the image our own country portrays as well. That being Hollywood and politics. I had no idea how influential movies and the media was until coming to Australia. Every person I met asks me at least one “is it really like blah blah blah in the states” (referring to Mean Girls or The OC). That’s obviously not necessarily the American peoples fault, but rather Hollywood. Secondly, our wars. I had no idea how many countrys were involved in Iraq until meeting people from Denmark, England, Germany and Poland that were either going to war in Iraq or have already done their time. America truly is the popular kid of this world, almost everyone gets on her good side because she is so powerful, it’s a bit sad to know so many other country’s are fighting our war. On a brighter side of things, most travelers who bring up politics are stoked on Obama, and he is definitely giving America a better reputation.
I’m annoyed that our country doesn’t encourage travel like others, that we tend to think we are better then everyone and that have set a bad image of ourselves. For the most part I know I’m fortunate to be from America, I just wish there weren’t so many fuck wits. The end.
The first American I met, I was really embarrassed for him. It’s only natural for other culture to generalize a country off their experiences. He was a 20 year old male from San Diego, California. He started talking to me at Fraser when we were camping at the aboriginal camp. He noticed that I was wearing rainbow flip flops, a give away for the west coast and asked me what I thought of Australia, I gave him my honest opinion of loving it and asked for his. His response was so stereotypical arrogant American, I nervously looked around to everyone near and hoped they were to drunk to notice him. ‘I mean I don’t know what the big deal is, Australia has beaches and so does California, there’s to many mosquito’s and people are weird, I’m excited to go home in a week. I only came out here because my mom had to go to Brisbane for work”. I quickly drank the rest of my drink and said I needed a refill, I didn’t want to associate myself with him, especially since he was American. Throughout the night when people learned I was American they jokingly (but not) asked if I was ready to go home too, obviously they had met Blake. I felt I had to quickly get on a soap box and preach that not all Americans are that way, it didn’t matter, so I stopped justifying.
The second Americans I met are two girls that I currently share my dorm room with. Being excited they were American girls and backpacking, I started chatting to them. They were nice, and responded to my questions, but quickly grabbed their bags and went for bigger and better things. I tried to talk to them a few more times, but it was a one way conversation for the most part. They were also in Australia for only a month. At night, at all the hostels everyone eats together and gets to know one another, those girls ate together then went to the room, never socializing with anyone else. In the past month I am 100 percent of the time assumed as Canadian and when correcting someone, they are shocked. The response is either “and you’re by yourself” or “you really don’t seem American”. I’ve come to realize through talking to others and seeing it for myself that America sucks as a backpacker…
So listen up America.. for those of you who want to travel, but you’re waiting around for your friends, stop being a baby and go for it on your own. Those of you who go together, stop being babies as well and embrace this opportunity to talk to people, learn about other cultures, and be stoked about being in a new. I am more and more becoming embarrassed of my country, not only because of the numerous bad experiencing other backpackers have had with us, but the image our own country portrays as well. That being Hollywood and politics. I had no idea how influential movies and the media was until coming to Australia. Every person I met asks me at least one “is it really like blah blah blah in the states” (referring to Mean Girls or The OC). That’s obviously not necessarily the American peoples fault, but rather Hollywood. Secondly, our wars. I had no idea how many countrys were involved in Iraq until meeting people from Denmark, England, Germany and Poland that were either going to war in Iraq or have already done their time. America truly is the popular kid of this world, almost everyone gets on her good side because she is so powerful, it’s a bit sad to know so many other country’s are fighting our war. On a brighter side of things, most travelers who bring up politics are stoked on Obama, and he is definitely giving America a better reputation.
I’m annoyed that our country doesn’t encourage travel like others, that we tend to think we are better then everyone and that have set a bad image of ourselves. For the most part I know I’m fortunate to be from America, I just wish there weren’t so many fuck wits. The end.
7.30.2009
commmunication in song
To: Me...From: You
"The First Single" by the format
I can't stand to think about a heart so big it hurts like hell
Oh my god I gave my best but for three whole years to end like this
Well do you want to fall apart? I can't stop if you cant start
Do you want to fall apart? I could if you can try to fix what I've undone
Cause I hate what I've become
[Chorus]
You know me, oh you think you do you just don't seem to see
I've been waiting all this time to be, something I can't define
So let's cause a scene, clap our hands and stomp our feet or something,
yeah something I've just got to get myself over me
I could stand to do without, all the people I have left behind
What's the point of going around when it's a straight line baby, a straight, straight line
So let's make a list of who we need and it's not much if anything
Let's make a list of who we need and we'll throw it away
'Cause we don't need anyone, no we don't need anyone
[Chorus]
And I hate what I've become.
You know the night life is just not for me
'Cause all you really need are a few good friends
I don't want to go out and be on my own,
You know they started something I can't stand
You leave for the city,
Well count me out
'Cause all this time is wasted on everything I've done
[Chorus x2]
Yeah
Over me
Yeah
Over me
To: You
From: Me....
"Hot N Cold" by katy perry
You change your mind
Like a girl changes clothes
Yeah you, PMS
Like a bitch
I would know
And you over think
Always speak
Cryptically
I should know
That you're no good for me
[CHORUS]
Cause you're hot then you're cold
You're yes then you're no
You're in then you're out
You're up then you're down
You're wrong when it's right
It's black and it's white
We fight, we break up
We kiss, we make up
(you) You don't really want to stay, no
(but you) But you don't really want to go-o
You're hot then you're cold
You're yes then you're no
You're in then you're out
You're up then you're down
We used to be
Just like twins
So in sync
The same energy
Now's a dead battery
Used to laugh bout nothing
Now your plain boring
I should know that
You're not gonna change
[CHORUS]
Someone call the doctor
Got a case of a love bi-polar
Stuck on a roller coaster
Can't get off this ride
You change your mind
Like a girl changes clothes
[CHORUS 2:]
Cause you're hot then you're cold
You're yes then you're no
You're in then you're out
You're up then you're down
You're wrong when it's right
It's black and it's white
We fight, we break up
We kiss, we make up
You're hot then you're cold
You're yes then you're no
You're in then you're out
You're up then you're down
You're wrong when it's right
It's black and it's white
We fight, we break up
We kiss, we make up
(you) You don't really want to stay, no
(but you) But you don't really want to go-o
You're hot then you're cold
You're yes then you're no
You're in then you're out
You're up then you're down, down...
6.07.2009
change
change: to make the form, nature, content, future course, etc., of (something) different from what it is or from what it would be if left alone
the actual definition of change is quite interesting to me. To make different in the form of content, nature, future, etc.. if left alone. Webster is very accurate in this case. Change can't truly occur if we don't allow it to, or want it to for that matter.
bring it
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