Showing posts with label nurse. Show all posts
Showing posts with label nurse. Show all posts

1.05.2012

oh hi 2012

Last night was a Misty night.
I've blogged about these occurrences before. If you're a faithful freebirdclaire reader, you'll recall what it means that I got to spend an evening with Misty. But more likely, you're a random, reading this random blog, so long story short Misty and I have been friends since we were five, rendezvous at PSU for college life, coincidentally both on the path of a career focused around medicine. Mine becoming a nurse and hers becoming a doctor. Therefore leaving me to only a handful of times a year I get to really spend time with Misty (in between terms when she's not working hard at her perfect GPA, med school resume and MCAT prep). So tonight was a rare occasion I got some heart time with this lovely soul and something that stuck out tonight..

"I'm doing what makes me feel me,
 that gives me understanding 
and a sense of being on top of the world"

This was brought up in a midst of a conversation about people in our lives accepting you for who you are. Misty comes from a family of farmers in middle of no where Oregon. So pursuing medicine can be confusing for people close to her at times. But this really resonated with me because I feel the same criticism for the opposite, that I am taking time off from pursuing what I thought made me whole (and still very well may be that). To be honest, the biggest critic is probably myself and any input from other people on this choice that even resembles some hesitation to my decision, really eats at me. As if I have to convince them and in turn convincing myself that I am making the right decision and chasing what makes me feel on top of the world right now. In the past five years I have put so much self worth into becoming a nurse, that now I cant help like feel like a bit lost. However I know I'm doing the right thing. It's all a bit confusing I know.
Lacey and I were watching The Devil Wears Prada last night as we reheated our leftovers and snuggled under a blanket in our ancient house that refuses to stay warm. As we watched Anne Hathaway bend over backwards to make it big in New York City, Lacey giggled and said "It's funny to watch movies like this, watching women our age chasing after their dream career, willing to destroy their personal lives for it, and you and I are nannies". Lacey shares the same "in the mean time job as me" and I envy her ability to be SO much "in the mean time". Why am I so affected by what society tells me is the "correct" way to live in only this part of my life? I'm really good with doing my own thing in every other genre of typical social life paths, except this one. Yet I'm positive I'm where I'm suppose to be right now. This is my current challenge, letting my self worth rest purely on.. me.

4.04.2011

change of plans

I opened a travel savings account.  I just don't know how to not travel. I'm thinking about going south. 
So this is whats up.. winter term was HELL. Two hard biology classes (Anatomy and Physiology and Microbiology) in one term and throw work in with that and it was quite stressful. It wasn't until spring break that I truly realized why this term was so hard on me...So as you all know, I want to be nurse for so many reasons and none of them being prestige, money or intellectual status. I have met some solid people in my pre-req classes that I have continued to be a part of my life, bonding over the painful amount of hours dedicated to get that damn A. Misery loves company right? I do love science, everything it stands for and the means to an end of the hard work I put into my GPA. I am positive I have chosen the right path for me and excited for my future. But something was different this term, probably an accumulation of this built up pressure and the right circumstances to bring this underlying feeling to the table. Although I found my rocks within my department, I was also being influenced unknowingly by the majority. The majority being those who have seem to forget why we chose the health field in the first place.  My typical week this term:

Tuesday A&P: get our midterm's back.. 
"Hey Claire how did you do?" 
"Hey Claire how did you do?" 
-Yea I did alright I got a 38 so that's a B+ with the curve, I'm happy with that. How did you do?
"I did ok"
-Whatever *one I wont name* you know the material inside and out. How did you not get an A?
"I got 44"
-That's an A+ with the curve..

Wednesday: lab..
Take the quiz, TA goes over the answers, I disagree with an answer.. 
"Sarah I put optic tract, not optic nerve because of where you placed the pin."
-Hmm I can see why that would be confusing, I'll give you a half point..
*lame OHSU snob gives his two cents* "ITS OPTIC NERVE because of the virtually none existent bundle, it says so in some random book I read that isn't required for this class because I like to show off in front of my classmates"

Wednesday study group
"You eat a lot"
-yea *munching my carrots.. food keeps my brain power up for studying, hey *another one I won't name* you should never say that to a girl by the way.

"Claire you got accepted to nursing school?!"
-yea! 
"where?"
-University of Maine
"ohhhh, whats their program like?"
-small,  but accredited and a new hospital!
"hmmmm" *adjusts in seat awkwardly. "Why didn't you apply in Oregon?"
-because its really competitive and I probably wont get in, plus it's a good excuse to live somewhere else for awhile.
"So you're telling me you don't want to go to OHSU?"
-correct
"Oh" *baffled look

Fuck em. All of them. I' m not an A student, but I work hard and I'm going into this field because..
I want to effin help people
I'm so sick of the people I have been surrounded by that ultimately just care about grades, the best program and the best entitled job they can land. Who are brutal to each other by public ridicule and worse, questioning each others intellect and deserving of being a biology major. Instead of being excited about the fact that I got accepted to nursing school, the responses from these people were "oh" because it wasn't in the top 10 best nursing school in the country. I lost my passion a tad because of this and its time to rediscover it so I can go into nursing school passionate, excited, full of positive energy and love in my heart.
So here's the curve ball..
I have deferred from University of Maine till next May.
I happened to land an awesome, well paying, full time job as a nanny this summer.
I have an amazing friend that is going to let my rent her spare room for dirt cheap.
I can potentially and hopefully save close to 5 grand by September.
I am shopping for my ticket to central America followed by New Zealand!!
YUP :)

3.31.2011

updated bucket list


1. Become a registered nurse and use my skills in different countries
2. Run a marathon
3. Rock climb.. outside
4. Learn to speak another language
5. Climb a mountain
6. Watch the Olympics live
7. Cross country ski
8. Become a confident sewer
9. Learn how to make dad's BBQ
10. Own all Disney movies
11. Go wine tasting with my friends
12. Go to a Sasquatch
13. Own a horse and ride consistently.. again
14. Have a pen pal
15. Go on a road trip across the US
16. Learn how to play a song on the piano (preferable white houses)
17. Have a garden
18. Learn about every religion
19. Kiss someone I love during fireworks
20. Have a library
21. Still hold hands when I'm old
22. Find a four leaf clover
23. When I can afford it: eat only "happy meat" and organic
24. Go on a picnic somewhere hidden
25. Own a legit camera and know how to use it
26. Go to Mardi Gras
27. Be a foodie for 3 months
28. Make the Portland book
29. Donate blood
30. Open a hostel/ manage one
31. Go to a semi-big horse race and wear a big hat/ fascinator
32. Go to a TED talks
33. Have a get away home, probably in the mountains
34. Continue to add to my volunteering experience

Travel Bucketlist.. in order
1. South America
2. Antartica
3. New Zealand
4. Africa
5. South Africa
6. China
7. Asia
8. Russia
9. Europe

Accomplished:
-skydiving (March 2008)

-White water rafting (January 2009)

-living in another country (2009-2010)

-Jump off a cliff into deep water (2010)

-learned to drive a manual (Spring 2010)

-Watch the sunset and sunrise in one day (summer 2010)
Sunrise: Delicate arch, UT
Sunset: middle of no where Utah and I have to give some credit to the person who remembered this was on my bucket list and made it happen.

-Crater lake (August 2010)

-Snowboard Whistler (March 2011)

1.20.2011

taking it in..

University of Maine nursing school called this morning (at 6am)..

I was accepted.

1.17.2011

obsession above all others

Can't.
Stop.
Watching.
Grey's Anatomy.

My fellow pre-health professionals would be ashamed because its so medically incorrect sometimes. 
But its is everything I want in my life. That being...
constant chaos and friends who get it.
Some want family as their life. I want my job of saving those family members.. as my life.

I should probably ban hulu from my computer, along with blogger and study for the classes that will actually get me there. 

11.10.2010

How to feel really bad about yourself

Apply to: Law school, Med school or Nursing school

Alright, big shocker here..
not everyone loves me, in fact plenty of people think I'm less then ok. I have a bold personality, I call people out when they suck and I have a confidence that comes off as stuck up or as the English have said "Posh". My natural face and body language is a "bitch face" and "I don't give a fuck". I don't handle injustice well, I'm opinionated, outspoken and I think I know more then I do. I'm honest with people, I have a tendency to give advice when un-necessary and my sense of humor can be harsh. I'm competitive and loud. It's hard for me to work hard at things that I don't care about and if I don't find purpose in it I put it to the side. I'm not the best at staying in touch and I'm ok with letting friends go that don't relate anymore. When you hurt me, I act unbreakable, when you love me, I act unbreakable. I don't test well and I yell at people that tell me to try harder because of it. I get defensive on things I feel strongly about and I'm always willing to debate with you. It's safe to say I don't get along with everyone. Applying to nursing school is the hardest thing I have ever done. Not because it's hard to type in my name and social security number, but because the applications are meant to weed people out by means of personal stabs, deep serrated knife stabs. It's hard to fake it on these applications, so every applicable positive and negative trait becomes a powerpoint of every detail, aspect and person that supports or doesn't support you. It's hard.
My negative are plastered everywhere.  I'm not cut out to do this. WTF am I thinking. I just paid a $95 application fee for a letter to come in the mail that says "Really Claire Tripeny? You are SOOO not accepted, you're kidding yourself".




























After this conversation I'm feeling better. She's right, because of this "bitch personality" that I have, I'll get there, maybe not this year, but eventually. I may be all those things said above, but for the same reason I have solid people in my life. I can do this.. I can do this.. I can do this..

10.12.2010

B-

I WANT TO..
-yell
-run for 3 hours straight
-throw rocks at windows
-take a baseball bat to a car
-drink a bottle of wine
-drive a race car
-jump off a cliff.. into water
-break something expensive
-scream at every single nursing school Dean in America
-cry.. hysterically
-rip clothing



This is what applying to nursing school is doing to me.  How do I handle this? The past five years of my life has been poured into my ultimate goal in life. That being to have a career that is focused around helping people, challenging, always changing and always opportunities to continue to learn, grow and travel, for the rest of my life.  I have unfortunately focused so much on this career path, that if it doesn't become a reality, I feel as though I might lose myself. If I do not accepted to a single school, I'm afraid of..myself.. how I'll respond. I have put every ounce of worth into what 5 people on a committee think of me on paper. They'll see that on average I'm a B- student, which is a huge difference between B, B+ and obvious A's. Although any B is above average, just above isn't good enough. I'm not good enough.

I love people and have the experiences and skills to work in a field that is essential to have ultimate people skills. I've traveled and I don't judge you if you haven't, but going into this field, I KNOW I have experiences with people and culture that others will not. I've volunteered in Thailand, I've been in student government at my university, I've been a camp counselor, I've been a nanny, I'm a certified behavioral therapist for autistic children, doctors and professors eagerly willing to vouch I'm qualified. But thats only 25% of what they will consider, in an occupation that its soul purpose is knowledge and skills of medicine AND PEOPLE SKILLS. Ughhhhh. At least this is a tad inspiring:

I laugh at myself. Every time I get super stressed I become this out of no where marathon runner. Well not technically but a week solid of 4milers. It keeps me from not throwing rocks at windows or screaming at people.. sane.

10.28.2009

A dream becomes reality

8am:
I lay in bed wanting to sleep more, but anxiety sets in and I'm forced to get up anyway. I throw on some shorts and a t-shirt and head to Ms.Trish's class who is a God send. An early 30's black body builder women, who loves hip hop and watching college students sweat. Her ab's and lower body class is 50 minutes straight of hard cardio and muscle strengthening. I take her classes not only to stay in shape but to calm myself during school.

After Trish's class I run home shower, make coffee, grab some food and head to the library. 10am-3pm I'm able to cover all of chapter 15 "Neural Integration: Sensory Pathways". read, highlight, listen to lectures and then rewrite all the notes, highlight and re-listen to the lecture. 3:20pm my brain can't handle much more, pathways, receptors and tracts are starting to blur together. I grab my standard triple shot skinny vanilla latte and study for another class both I head to Anatomy and Physiology with Good ol Ed Degrauw. A brilliant man whose first love is reptiles, but on the side teaches PSU students about osteoclasts, ganglia and other tedious details of the human body. He has accepted the role of basically decided the future of aspiring students hoping to enter the health field. Ed is a great professor, always comes to his office hours, holds study reviews, returns emails and will find time for one student (out of 600) if need be. It's a love hate relationship, I hate him because his brain seems to concept the digestive, nervous, muscle, lymph system in a way I will never understand. I hate him because his tests are HARD, incorporating 3 different systems and being able to know the outcome. I hate him because he is such a damn good professor and believes in us so much that I feel even worse when I get a bad grade on an exam, because I don't want him to be disappointed. I hate that he recognizes the students to work hard and even when its one in 600 and I hate him because of the pain I put myself through to pass his exams.
I plop myself next to Katy and Amy who have been there with me through the torture of A&P, nutrition, human development, stats, biology and many more. After class we hit up happy hour at the university bar, review our midterms, trade correct answers and then talk about anything other then school. 5pm I head back to the library, and stay until close, midnight. And that’s just a normal week as a biology major.
Finals are so painful, I barely can type it. I almost always overdose on caffeine, get close to no sleep and have an anxiety attack. Luckily I’m not out of place, every corner of the library is packed, trash cans are overflowing with coffee cups and everyone looks like death. Oh the aspiring youth of tomorrow, how we will someday graduate and maybe make descent money.
I made an appointment with my advising counsellor months ago, the nursing advisors are always busy. Michelle basically tells me the same thing every time I go to sort out which schools would be best to apply to, “Well Claire, your community involvement is incredible, so that will be a big plus to school who put emphasise on that area. As for your grade, well they are good, but just not as good as they need to be, to be competitive. I see you have a cumulative of a 3.2 GPA in your science courses, the C you received in human development and chemistry isn’t favourable on your application, have you considered taking those courses over?” yes I have. “Well I would definitely consider that, I think it’s good you are planning to apply outside of the NW, as you know Oregon and Washington have some of the best medical facilities in the nation. Have you considered another field you may be interested in? Physical therapy or Health education? You have the grades for that field and I would be more then happy to make an appointment with the advisor for that field.” No I want to be a nurse, not a PT or anything else, a nurse. “I see. Well consider retaking some classes and we will see where you stand after winter term”.
Pretty discouraging, but I have gotten use to Michelle basically telling me I will never make it. Still I work hard only to get B’s, what ever happened to working your hardest and that was enough? Katy tells me that she has a friend with a 4.0 (perfect grades) and was rejected from Oregon Health and Sciences University, two years in a row. Granted OHSU is in the top three best nursing school in America, but how can you do better then a 4.0? I kill myself over my classes, not to mention jazz up my resume as much as possible. I’ve been camp counselor for three summers, been on a medical mission, volunteered at the children’s hospital, been a part of two student groups at PSU including a high position in student government. I’ve fed the homeless, registered people to vote, raised money for Darfur and have made my school sustainable.
I’m someone who cares about people and doesn’t mind losing sleep to read about connective tissue or give up a Saturday to write a paper on development disorders. I just want to be a nurse, and I’ll be damn good at it. My patients aren’t going to care I got a C in Human development in 2007, or that I failed an A&P midterm. They are going to care that I know my shit and show empathy and understanding.
I came to Australia for a few reasons, one of them being I needed a break from school and how unhealthy it has been for me. I planned to be back in Oregon by January so I could finish the two classes I needed before I was eligible for nursing school for September 2010. When I learned that the requirement for Deakin University were a bit lower then the states, I applied, also that the price is close to the same for out of state tuition. Not to mention I wouldn’t have to take micro biology and another term of A&P, or retake the two classes I was going to re-take and I could start in March, not September. Although were grades were more then acceptable for Deakin it still seemed to good to be true.
Well I have been accepted to Deakin in a Bachelors of Nursing. It’s extremely overwhelming. I’m feeling so many different emotions (mostly good). It’s surreal that all those hours I the library, all those lost hours of sleep and four years in total of working hard in hopes of someday achieving my goal, is actually here. It’s real, it’s happening, and no one can take it away. Nothing means more to me then fulfilling my ultimate goal of becoming a nurse, and being accepted into nursing school is the hardest part. I knew I wouldn’t be able to go to nursing school near home in Oregon or Washington, I just wasn’t expecting that place to be a different country. The degree transfers to the states no problem, after a few tests and Deakin is highly recognized in the States. Wow. Just wow.
I would be lying if I said I wasn’t scared. I won’t be seeing my family for more then a few months out of the year. I’ll be leaving a lot of really good friends behind. My love for the mountains, snow and snowboarding will be greatly tested. I’ll be turning my back on a city that’s owns my heart along with the mountain that reside with it. But all for my number one goal in life, and I can’t complain to much about doing that in Australia. And yet.. another new chapter begins….


We all amde it! [Amy Katy and I]