I'm back!!
My mind is finally in a place I can spill my fears and loves in a way that is good for us all. Well friends, not to be a Debbie Downer, but fall and winter term this year has been complete shit. I have no idea why exactly everything wrong had to happen all with in a 6 month period but luckily I have found some purpose in it all, the biggest one being restless Claire coming out of hiding. I'm not one to be happy being in one place for more then a few months at a time. Portland will always will where my heart resides, but the world has me flirting with all sides.
Too make a long story short every good thing in my life turned bad. I had fraud happen to me in October and $2,000 stolen. My mom and step dad separated in November and Josh and I broke up not long after. Anatomy and Physiology had taken over my life and eventually soul. Best friends had drifted away and new ones turned out crazy beyond belief. Health problems came with the stress which lead to financial instability. *sigh.
Luckily Rena and Alli my best friends from camp came to rescue..
Let me explain this relationship these two girls and I have.. anyone who knows me well, knows that camp is a big part of my life. I met Alli summer 2006 at River Way Ranch Camp in Fresno, CA. We became good friends and stayed close in the off season of camp. I met Rena summer 2007 at Sandy Hill Camp in Northeast, MD. She reminded me so much of Alli and her and I ended up being co-counselors most of the summer and great friends on top of that. At SHC the following summer (2008), Alli decided to come to SHC and as I imagined Rena and Alli clicked right away. Three's have never been so perfect in the history of the world with us three. They remind me that life is beautiful in so many ways. That even when life is upside down, there is beauty hidden somewhere in all that mess. AND of course they share a love for kids, helping others, volunteer work and activism with me which makes us three even more meant to be. They came to visit me December 26th-January 5th and I started to feel the weight of the world being lifter off my shoulders. My worries, doubts, anger and stress eased and I could breath again. Thats a powerful friendship right there. After many drunken nights and amazing talks, they went back to their lives and I felt a bit stronger and clear on myself and my life which was started to piece back together. Josh and I worked things out, my family was civil again, I had an income and it was a new term of A&P. This sense of hope only lasted a few weeks until the eye of the storm passed. Every aspect of stability went back to instability. It was quite a tease to have everything seem to work itself out only to break in more pieces. I was scared to lose myself completely that I held on to anything that gave me comfort and I held on tight. My boyfriend for over a year was obviously what I leaned on, only to find that he wasn't the person I fell in love with. It took over 2 months to realize he was a big cause to my downward spiral. My caring, fun, respectful best friend was replaced to someone I didn't even know. His selfish nature, disrespect and lies showed a side of him I never knew existed. The worst part of this was that I blamed the snowboarding industry for turning him into this person I didn't even know anymore. I started to resent snowboarding and anything that was affiliated with it. Snowboarding is something that has always been my escape and love. I just happened to date someone that shared that love.. and eventually ruined it for me.
END OF MARCH..
Enough was enough with my crumbling life and unfortunately Josh was the breaking point. School is extremely important to me and I put everything I have into school to make myself competitive for nursing school in the furture! I wasn't getting good grades because of anxiety, and hated myself for letting it affect me to a point of no return. After a much needed trip home to California to visit my family and best friend I acknowledged my need for change and acted on it quite drastically. within 12 hours I had made living arrangements in Frenso, CA with Alli and Rena, gave my two weeks at work, dropped my classes for spring term, told my roomie to find a new one, told my parents my plans, bought a ticket to SoCal for May 2nd and damn it I was so outta Portland.
TODAY
I'm so much happier then I thought possible. It's beautiful to me how gracefully things fall into place sometimes. My love for snowboarding is finally my own again and I owe a big part of that to Darcy. Not being in school gave me a lot more free time and I found myself at the mountain about 3-4 days a week. For once I wasn't known as Josh's girlfriend on the mountain. A few pow days and t line park sesh's later I felt like an old friend had moved home. Mt.Hood was no longer memories of Josh, but new memories with new friends.
