commmunication in song

To: Me...From: You


"The First Single" by the format

I can't stand to think about a heart so big it hurts like hell
Oh my god I gave my best but for three whole years to end like this
Well do you want to fall apart? I can't stop if you cant start
Do you want to fall apart? I could if you can try to fix what I've undone
Cause I hate what I've become

[Chorus]
You know me, oh you think you do you just don't seem to see
I've been waiting all this time to be, something I can't define
So let's cause a scene, clap our hands and stomp our feet or something,
yeah something I've just got to get myself over me

I could stand to do without, all the people I have left behind
What's the point of going around when it's a straight line baby, a straight, straight line
So let's make a list of who we need and it's not much if anything
Let's make a list of who we need and we'll throw it away
'Cause we don't need anyone, no we don't need anyone

[Chorus]

And I hate what I've become.

You know the night life is just not for me
'Cause all you really need are a few good friends
I don't want to go out and be on my own,
You know they started something I can't stand
You leave for the city,
Well count me out
'Cause all this time is wasted on everything I've done

[Chorus x2]

Yeah
Over me
Yeah
Over me


To: You
From: Me....


"Hot N Cold" by katy perry

You change your mind
Like a girl changes clothes
Yeah you, PMS
Like a bitch
I would know

And you over think
Always speak
Cryptically

I should know
That you're no good for me

[CHORUS]
Cause you're hot then you're cold
You're yes then you're no
You're in then you're out
You're up then you're down
You're wrong when it's right
It's black and it's white
We fight, we break up
We kiss, we make up
(you) You don't really want to stay, no
(but you) But you don't really want to go-o
You're hot then you're cold
You're yes then you're no
You're in then you're out
You're up then you're down

We used to be
Just like twins
So in sync
The same energy
Now's a dead battery
Used to laugh bout nothing
Now your plain boring

I should know that
You're not gonna change

[CHORUS]

Someone call the doctor
Got a case of a love bi-polar
Stuck on a roller coaster
Can't get off this ride

You change your mind
Like a girl changes clothes

[CHORUS 2:]
Cause you're hot then you're cold
You're yes then you're no
You're in then you're out
You're up then you're down
You're wrong when it's right
It's black and it's white
We fight, we break up
We kiss, we make up
You're hot then you're cold
You're yes then you're no
You're in then you're out
You're up then you're down
You're wrong when it's right
It's black and it's white
We fight, we break up
We kiss, we make up
(you) You don't really want to stay, no
(but you) But you don't really want to go-o
You're hot then you're cold
You're yes then you're no
You're in then you're out
You're up then you're down, down...

Book worm

I wanna read..

-Mere Christianity By CS Lewis
-The Time Travelers Wife By Audrey Niffenegger
-A Brave New World By Aldous Huxley
-The Penny By Joyce Meyer

I recommend..

-All about Love By Bell Hooks
-The Shack By William Young
-All Donald Miller books
-The Giver by Lowis Lowry
-The Secret Lives of Bees by Sue Kidd
-The Alchemist By Paulo Coelho
-1984/Animal Farm By George Orwell
-To Kill a Mocking Bird By Harper Lee

I've read..but not so great..

-Einsteins Dreams By Allan Lightman
-The Case for the Creator By Lee Strobel

status

This is the first summer since high school that I am not at camp working as a summer camp counselor. Although it has been such an amazing experience at River Way and Sandy Hill camp, like everything in our lives there comes a time we have to move on and embark on new adventures. It's like high school, its what you make it. High school was great, but when I graduated, I moved on.

For the past 22 years of my life my life has generally been pretty structured. I went to school from September-June and camp in the summer. Of course there are always some bumps in the road that threw off my structure but I always had a schedule. Generally Tuesdays and Thursdays I had class from 1-8pm, I worked Mondays and Fridays, went snowboarding on Wednesdays and Sundays and out to the bars on Saturdays. I always took my finals early in June and off to camp I went until September and repeated the schedule. For the first time I'm not living off loan money or the comfort of Sandy Hill cabins and cafeteria food. I'm working a real job and living off my own money. I sound sheltered yea? I don't think so. There really isn't many people my age that pays for EVERYTHING by themselves. Sure I worked plenty of jobs and paid for my share of bills, but I have never been truly on my own. paying rent, food, gas etc all with my own money while trying to save for traveling. It's definitely scary, but liberating.

My point of this ramble isn't for you to give me a pat on the back for being an adult and working full time job to make the money necessary for sustaining my life and earning the money necessary for my desires. My point is that I am able to sit back and understand my place. Structure molds our minds into a type of narrow mind. I had my time to study for school and the people I did that with. People I snowboarded with on those Sundays and Wednesdays. People I went to the bars with on those Saturdays and of course camp and the life that came with it. I'm not down playing the amazing experiences I have had doing all these things, but realizing that there is so much more.

I can't even begin to cover every aspect of what I have learned about people in my life, but the word to some it up well is status. I thought by leaving my hometown of orange county and living in Oregon, home of the hippies and artsy liberal goo rues that I was escaping status. wrong. There's the pro snowboarders of mt. hood, the aspiring cinematographers of the Art Institute, the graphic designers of some artsy company, the PSU athletes and the list continues. I myself am guilty of status as well. My status at school and who I knew, my status on the mountain and who I knew and my status at camp and who I knew. I am only realizing this now when I have taken myself out of it. I feel a bit dirty to be honest, that something so surface snaked its way in my life without me knowing, how rude. Luckily I'm doing my best to shed out of it.

Funny thing happened a few months ago that changed my status...

Well, I dumped the snowboarder. Why? He got caught up in that status and with others who cared about the status. Girls who wanted to be in his life because the letters I and M was on his hat. "Friends" who only used each other for rides and a posse to show up to party's with. The long weekends to countless competitions with all the right people and sponsors. Can you guess what happened when we broke up? My status dropped :). The people who were more caught up in that nasty status dropped me like its hott. I was a bataleon riders girlfriend. So of course ms.Maui fever needed to be my friend and so did the friends girlfriends, even the 17 year olds. As soon as I wasn't the girlfriend, I was useless. I wasn't an in to that world anymore. Sad for those people who see it that way. I'm grateful I was slapped in the face of what type of people I attracted but it disgusts me at the same time to know those people exist. So many people were my "friend" because of who I was dating and who I knew because of that. They care so much of what people think about them they have to do, think and say what everyone else does, because god forbid sacrificing their status.

*I'm never dating a professional anything ever again.

one love I'm sure of..

what is it about that first cup of coffee in the morning, or the afternoon iced mocha or late night triple shot study latte?

coffee I love you, thank you for never letting me down.

standards

So many people settle for less for numerous reasons. I refuse. I don't care if I never get married or if I get married next year. I get bored easy and why stay with someone that bores me? Why be concerned with what society tells us that we need to get married by age 26, have 2.5 kids, a dog, careers and a nice house, car and boat. Screw that. I would much rather be 45 and meet the love of my life and live happily ever after then settle with someone that I start a life with, share a bank account and have some kids only to divorce 10 years later. Then we have to do the splitting of items, talk custody of kids and of course the shame of divorce to our friends and family because we never truly cared about each other only what everyone thought of us anyway. I think I'll skip that mess of that bullshit and just have some higher standards now. Here's a few things I know I want in a man (not a a boy) at this point..

read books
have a passion
love animals
be active
be healthy
like to dance
not have the "only child" syndrome
have empathy
be open minded
have beliefs and reasons why
brag about me to his friends and family
love music
have a love to travel
calls me out on my shit
outgoing
not afraid of what people think
play games with me
spontaneous
love kids (not necessarily want them)
have some cooking talent
NOT materialistic
doesn't care about status
has real, true, good and genuine friends
love people
artistic edge (because i'm not)
laughs a lot
sticks up for what he believes in
cares about the environment
supports gay rights
loves the mountains
isn't afraid of being wrong
doesn't let me get cold (i hate being cold)
remember the little things (like i'm allergic to orange juice and i boycott exxon)

and most importantly.. teaches me ad makes me laugh A LOT :)