packing boxes differently this time

I have been back in America for one year and 48 days

I have lived in my current house for about 9 months

and yet again.. I pack.

I'm lucky enough to have grandparents with a massive farm that lets me store my stuff in my grandpa's old glass blowing workshops, this makes leaving the country often a tad easier. I went to my grandparents this weekend for Easter and packed a box to take with me, seeming how we have to move out of the purple house by May 31st. I've noticed the amounts of "things" I own has decreased over the years, along with that being clothes. Things really don't matter in the end, or am I getting better with letting things go? I think it's a combination of both. It's always interesting to pack up my life and stumble across old journals, notes, books etc and pack them away with a sense of nostalgia. I love reading adorable notes from friends that I saved and being taken back to some happy days when gazing at a friendship bracelet I saved from camp. With the things that triggered a sense of lose, hurt, regret, I did something out of my norm, I paused before putting that item into a box, is this feeling happy, sad, necessary? Do I really need this, does it mean anything to me anymore? No.. *throws in Goodwill box. I really am getting better at letting go rather then packing it up in a box to only let it come back to haunt me later. Exhaleeeee. Maybe letting go has triggered some growing up. I have always felt like the black sheep on my mom's side, because I am definitely my dad's child. But this weekend for the first time, I felt a bit more at home. My mom got her jewelry box out of the safe at my grandparents for my cousin and I to gawk over and my grandpa joined to inform us on all the authenticity of the metal. The little gathering of generations talking about vintage jewelry made me smile. My mom still has her wedding rings from when she was married to my dad. Handed down from my great grandma (on my dad's side), some real vintage jewelry that entwined both my parents. She wore these rings for 20 years, I forgot how beautiful they are.

A sense of connection to your blood is surreal feeling. 

ps. i love my new canon ellph.

change of plans

I opened a travel savings account.  I just don't know how to not travel. I'm thinking about going south. 

So this is whats up.. winter term was HELL. Two hard biology classes (Anatomy and Physiology and Microbiology) in one term and throw work in with that and it was quite stressful. It wasn't until spring break that I truly realized why this term was so hard on me...So as you all know, I want to be nurse for so many reasons and none of them being prestige, money or intellectual status. I have met some solid people in my pre-req classes that I have continued to be a part of my life, bonding over the painful amount of hours dedicated to get that damn A. Misery loves company right? I do love science, everything it stands for and the means to an end of the hard work I put into my GPA. I am positive I have chosen the right path for me and excited for my future. But something was different this term, probably an accumulation of this built up pressure and the right circumstances to bring this underlying feeling to the table. Although I found my rocks within my department, I was also being influenced unknowingly by the majority. The majority being those who have seem to forget why we chose the health field in the first place.  My typical week this term:

Tuesday A&P: get our midterm's back.. 

"Hey Claire how did you do?" 

"Hey Claire how did you do?" 

-Yea I did alright I got a 38 so that's a B+ with the curve, I'm happy with that. How did you do?

"I did ok"

-Whatever *one I wont name* you know the material inside and out. How did you not get an A?

"I got 44"

-That's an A+ with the curve..

Wednesday: lab..

Take the quiz, TA goes over the answers, I disagree with an answer.. 

"Sarah I put optic tract, not optic nerve because of where you placed the pin."

-Hmm I can see why that would be confusing, I'll give you a half point..

*lame OHSU snob gives his two cents* "ITS OPTIC NERVE because of the virtually none existent bundle, it says so in some random book I read that isn't required for this class because I like to show off in front of my classmates"

Wednesday study group

"You eat a lot"

-yea *munching my carrots.. food keeps my brain power up for studying, hey *another one I won't name* you should never say that to a girl by the way.

"Claire you got accepted to nursing school?!"

-yea! 

"where?"

-University of Maine

"ohhhh, whats their program like?"

-small,  but accredited and a new hospital!

"hmmmm" *adjusts in seat awkwardly. "Why didn't you apply in Oregon?"

-because its really competitive and I probably wont get in, plus it's a good excuse to live somewhere else for awhile.

"So you're telling me you don't want to go to OHSU?"

-correct

"Oh" *baffled look

Fuck em. All of them. I' m not an A student, but I work hard and I'm going into this field because..

I want to effin help people

I'm so sick of the people I have been surrounded by that ultimately just care about grades, the best program and the best entitled job they can land. Who are brutal to each other by public ridicule and worse, questioning each others intellect and deserving of being a biology major. Instead of being excited about the fact that I got accepted to nursing school, the responses from these people were "oh" because it wasn't in the top 10 best nursing school in the country. I lost my passion a tad because of this and its time to rediscover it so I can go into nursing school passionate, excited, full of positive energy and love in my heart.

So here's the curve ball..

I have deferred from University of Maine till next May.

I happened to land an awesome, well paying, full time job as a nanny this summer.

I have an amazing friend that is going to let my rent her spare room for dirt cheap.

I can potentially and hopefully save close to 5 grand by September.

I am shopping for my ticket to central America followed by New Zealand!!

YUP :)

white bread and it's multiple uses

Good job Ok Go. You totally win with this one.