8.06.2011

round again

I was slightly drunk, distraught, confused and hurt. I thought I knew everything I wanted, needed and desired only for it to be turned up side down. I starred at my computer screen, battling with myself wether or not to do it, to actually do it. I thought of the current place I was and who I was, none of it made me smile. I had lost myself within a vicious cycle of a relationship going on 3 years with a side of academic perfection overload. I needed an out, I knew that the answer had to be drastic for a drastic personality. I took a drink of my beer, a deep breathe and started typing in the 16 numbers that changed my life. Click to confirm.. *click.

10 months later I boarded that plane to Australia, running away from a broken relationship, a broken family, a broken Claire but denying every aspect of the broken. Once I switched hemispheres, I had the journey of a lifetime, I smiled again, I felt happy again and I even loved again. But as soon as I returned home I had to pick up where I left off. I took a year to finally.. well.. deal. 
This time is different. It's passion. Devotion. Friendship. Youth. Contentment. I'm finally taking off to travel for genuine reasons. Im not running away.. I'm running toward opportunity and I couldn't be happier. Why?

I recently realized I have the friends I'll be friends with for the rest of my life.
I recently realized I have a family thats so unperfected in the perfect way.
..therefore I'm free. Free to be, because I'm loved and supported to the end of the world and back

I also recently realized.. I'm one of the luckiest people in the entire world. How? Why? But thank you. To have beauty in every corner, to know love, to be loved, to have support, to be encouraged, to be safe, to be more than acknowledged, I thank God everyday.
The trip..
September 22nd PDX > LAX: ((First stop)) best friends wedding Ms. Nancy Tolman.. soon to be Waldron
September 26th LAX > GUA: Guatemala and the rest of Central America
November 24th NICARAGUA > LAX: Thanksgiving in Orange County
November 29th LAX > AUK: New Zealand. Finally reacquaint with Kait McNally for who knows what. But it will most definitely involve friendsday, goon, driving on the wrong side of the road and tim tam slams.

ticket ends there..

1 comment:

  1. S. J. PaigeAugust 6, 2011 at 9:52 PM

    I can relate to so much in your post, right down to the 3 year relationship. Looking back, I don't see my moving to Ireland as running away, but I freed myself from whatever mental cage I had myself in. I can't say that returning home for a summer was the happy reunion with friends I expected, but in my summer of traveling, I've made new friends in new places, and I couldn't be happier. My summer has been filled with laughter and love, creativity and travel. I'm moving back to Ireland the end of this month, after a weekend stint in New Jersey. I wish you continued happiness and maybe, one day, we'll happen to be in the same place, some place off the beaten path, and we'll go for a beer. It's definitely a weird feeling, feeling free and open to adventure. I know you understand the emotional and physical changes one undergoes after something like that, and it's like getting to know a whole new person, but it's exciting! Best wishes in life and in love! - Jo (Ice)

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