I don't know about you, but I often check the date and think back to what I was doing a year ago. I love doing that because it shows me how much my life changes from year to year, it's exciting, sometimes sad but mostly humbling. A year ago I was living downtown near PGE park with my room mate Lyndsey. I had dropped out of school and was only working about 15 hours a week. I think around this time I had bought myself a present being the iphone, I was most likely snowboarding and drinking some type of alcohol. I was organizing my upcoming adventure with my two best friends for that summer and then my next for that fall being Australia. I was pissed off at the world for not going my way so I was making it go my way. Now I'm back from my rant around Oregon, California, Australia and Fiji and ready to calm down just a tad. But with some new obtained life knowledge.
Unpacking my boxes was an experience. I hadn't seen my photos, art, books etc in almost a year and they told me stories about the Claire that had last seen them. My life continues to drastically change from year to year and I love it. I love being in a constant state of chaos, I think that's one of the many reasons I'll make a damn good nurse.
Cliche sayings, we tell each other are cliche because they are true. "Time will heal" and "it can only go up from here", I just wish it was easier to believe those quotes during that time. I'm feeling those quotes at the moment and it feels damn good. It feels good for things to be actually going my way. And you know what, to some extent we CAN choose life to go our way. And ironically (or maybe not) the class I'm in right now, my professor just agreed with me, and now is lecturing about "mood conditioning". Things like this keep happening to me and its kinda freaking me out.
I'm a science major, a realist and believe what I study. But through science it explains a lot of beauty in life.
My main man Mr.Issac Newton said:
"Energy can't be created nor destroyed" which is the first law of physics and my first proof to myself in not only God, but the power of karma and positive energy. Before you move your cursor to the "x" button because I said the "G" word, hear me out. God in Claire's definition is much different from your average Christians opinion. God to me is every God to every religion and not every God at the same time. God is loving all people and experience the world. God is loving your ex-boyfriends new girlfriend and wishing them the best. God is forgiving your mom for putting you second as a teen. God is spending spring break in Haiti rebuilding homes. God is love. When we make the choice to put love first, truly truly a new world opens. I believe this karma I have had in the past 10 months has been because of this new attitude I managed to acquire. Being positive does wonders. When something bad happened, I gave myself 30 minutes to cry and feel bad for myself and then I forced myself to believe there is purpose in this negative happening. whether it be a lesson to myself, another person or another reason I can't comprehend.
God to my doesn't isn't religious. Actually I think religion is crap. It's man-made therefore flawed. God should be unique to every person, because every person is unique. My mom is a big inspiration to me. life is hard sometimes and for her, it got pretty hard about 2 years ago. My step dad was my mom's significant other for 10 years and also employer, as an ophthalmologist she worked in his office. Last winter he had left her for another woman, so at 55 years old she found herself jobless and house-less. It makes me look at my worries and realize there are much greater dramas in life, being selfish creatures, its hard to solidify that fully unless it hits home. At 55 years old my mom is happy and doing things for herself. She has let go, moved on and dating someone new. I could not imagine being 55 and suddenly finding myself alone. But she found the strength to let go, love and accept. She a different person in such a good way and our relationship is on a whole new level. This is major proof to me that bad things that happen in life have reason, we just have to find it.
and once again another cliche quote, because its true. "Love is everything"
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