I have always loved with having one foot on the ground

"And then it was over, and somehow I thought ‘I’m free… finally.’ I was allowed the opportunity to go on and keep being myself. But now, after 6 months, I still can’t help feeling like I was most free when I was with him. I was free to love as hard as I wanted and be accepted, truly, for every part of me, including my shortcomings. I was free to tell someone exactly how I felt about them, and how they made me feel about myself, and bask in the loveliness of not needing anything else. From what I can tell, he’s convinced himself that he’s never been happier. Maybe he thinks ‘fitting in’ will be the answer to finding another girl that loves him more than I did, or finding one that won’t make him hurt as bad as I did." 

"My advice to you is stop being selfish and start loving as hard as you can. Don't listen to anyone else, and for the love of God, if you meet someone that is your perfect compliment, bring him with you wherever you go. "

-One that will remain nameless

Thank. you.
Thank you and thank you, for putting words to exactly what I couldn't put words to, my wonderful friend. Yes we all get it Claire, your incredibly independent, outgoing, bold, with a severe case of change addiction. You can solo mission 1,000's of miles, not dare be dependent on anyone, persevere through troubled waters, bend over backwards for academia and do it with fuckin smile.

we-get-it.

Sighhh.. it's suppose to be this way. It's hard for me to say that, but it is. I see you chasing simple, in spite, because this was everything but simple. Spite. I mean I get it, simple is easy and stable which is probably comforting after all has been said and done, but I know you wonder through the angst..
Meanwhile, I'm trying to smile through the truth. I wish simple was enough, I really do, life would be like yours- stable. I have accepted that simply isn't me, but I am thanking you for showing me that being free comes in different forms. Thank you. This is the reason a piece is with you. This is the reason that this is not a new chapter, but a new book. This is the reason why I don't recognize myself in old photos. This is why I'm not scared anymore. This is why, you are.

..I take blame for that, so please. Please don't harbor the bitterness. 

Talk about vulnerable. Public confess. Slowly but surely, placing both feet on the ground, no more fear. Funny how every person's fear is unique to them. My current one a sort of oxymoron is you ask me. Thats what life is. Finding your monsters and learning to face them, to then hold their hand, understand them and send em on their way, closing the door behind them. It's easy to just exist, to sweep things under the rug, to be a victim, to live the life of easy. The consequences to that lifestyle are huge, yet settle. Huge that those people will never truly feel, settle that simple existence continues. I find myself in this often it seems, but the recreation always shows my a new color in the world that I never knew existed before.

I don't care if it's ugly, ITS VINTAGE!!!

Vintage: representing the high quality of a past time: vintage cars; vintage movies.
People of today and their the use of the word "vintage" makes me laugh a lot. Therefore.. this site makes me laugh a lot..

http://www.regretsy.com

For those of you who don't know, it's a site that makes fun of some losers on etsy.com trying to rip you off by simply using the word "vintage". Ok I'm done ranting now.

fact: mustache's lead to an all day progression of smiling

A few reasons I'm smiling

1. I can take most of my classes pass/ no pass next term
2. I was able to schedule all 20 credits so I can work 5 days a week
3. I was able to schedule all 20 credits so I can snowboard multiple times a week
4. Some of my favorite people are purchasing a spring pass to timby
5. Bucket list check mark of climbing outside will happen this spring
6. Another bucket list check mark will happen in a month when I snowboard at WHISTLER
7. I'm starting not to care what all of you people tell me to do with my life. Nursing school, travel, volunteer, work, play, all of the above?
8. I had one of the best Valentines day ever
9. I got my first 10/10 score on my lab quiz (believe me it almost virtually impossible when you have to memorize leukocyte histology AND know how to spell leukocyte-- monocyte-- netrophil neutrophil.

10. Studying in bed while it snows outside, with the lovely miss Bones and taking mustache photos  with her (posted above)
11. Proceeding to study by explaining to the cat what the process of phagocytosis entails out loud (it helps me to learn when I hear myself say it.
12. Showing Bones owner my photo and her response with this one. Hilter stache meets handle bar stache
13. Reading Bone's owner aka Kait McNally's blog
14. The most amazing living situation ever
15. My sociology professor pushing back the due date of my paper a whole week
16. Solid progression in rock climbing
17. My enlightening conversations with 9 year old Nicky
18. Blasting the heat and rolling down the windows while singing. It's like just summer, but not really.

Feb the 14th, a day of happiness, sadness or simply your choice.

It started when I was young.

My mom was good with making any holiday special. Whether it was putting green dye in my milk on St. Patty's day or waking up to a Halloween scavenger hunt, it was always something to smile about. I will forever see holidays as an occasion to smile thanks to her. Maybe this is why my best friend Nancy and I decided in 8th grade that Valentines day was more then a lovers day, but a love day all around. Even at a young age we recognized that this day should mean more then giving roses and expensive dinners. That's when we dubbed Valentines day-- Friendship Day. I will forever remember this day as a day of all around love and not a the day to spend time with someone you love romantically or even worse--> "single awareness day". Stop it you haters. Perception is key.

I had a boyfriend last year and although happy he was my "Valentine" I did not participate in a typical valentines day. Why can't we do something nice for our significant other any other day of the year? Know what I say.. take a stab at consumerism and celebrate a typical Valentines day on February 15th. Red and pink candy is on sale, no jam packed restaurants and you are loving each other because you actually love each other, not because the numbers 2/14 tell you to do so.
Tonight was wonderful, all my room mates and I (plus J. Fluffs) MADE sushi (because the restaurant we wanted to go to was out of the question). That's a real Valentines day if you ask me. Love.

Friends, making food together and laughing. Happy friendship day.

PS..Thank you Ms. Elyse Canfield for my only Valentine all the way from South Korea :D. Your note was even fridge worthy!

Missing youuuuu

Dear Travel,
Please stop flirting with me. I know it’s been almost a year since we broke up, but I need to move on. Move on to a love that’s more stable and consistent. You temp me to go back with your fancy lonely planet books and mutual friends that talk about you all the time, but a long-term relationship just isn’t realistic.
I am afraid I’ll never love something like I love you. Your adventure, sexy scenery and that feeling of carelessness, just isn’t comparable. Although we had some hard times- like getting really sick in Germany from jet lag and the baggage confusion in Australia, there were so many good memories that over ride the bad. We have had this off and on relationship for 5 years now and I don’t know how to truly end it with you.
I love my career path that I’m on and it’s the only thing that has brought me back home and away from you. But I’m young and maybe not ready to settle down yet? Then again I’m afraid I’ll lose the career path if I run away with you again, I mean there’s only so much waiting it can do right? I know you’ll always be there and I appreciate that.

But please, all I ask, is to just stop flirting with me..

            Or maybe find me a cheap way to be with you again.

Missing you terribly

-Claire

Us in Koln, Germeny seeing the sights

Us in Amesterdam, Netherlands taking advantage of the legality

Us in Edinburgh, Scotland giving good luck to the heart of the city

Us in Liverpool, England getting rowdy with some friends



Us in Chang Mai, Thailand getting to know the locals

Us on the Harbor bridge in Sydney, Australia

Us in Mana, Fiji, being in love

subconscious

Snakes.
My biggest phobia. I think it's something to do with the fact that they don't have arms and legs, it bothers me, like a lot. I mean the bible portrays them as evil, along with Indian tales of creation, so I'm not the only one that is freaked out by them.
Overall, I'm pretty confident in saying that I don't get scared easily and when I say that, I don't just mean the dark, heights or meeting new people. I mean real life. A lot of people are unfortunately afraid of life. Moving to a new city, traveling, starting a new school, trying new food, learning a new skill and amplify this when doing it all alone. I am in no way one of these people, not that it's easy to do these things, but I'm not someone who is intimidated by these things. What's my point?
My point is that I can't stop dreaming about snakes- my fear. My fear representing something larger, which I am unsure of at the moment. I dream several times a week about snakes in my bed. At first I'd wake up with a flinch, realize it was a dream and turn over and go back to bed. They've gotten worse to where I wake up, throw my blankets off and turn into a ball in the corner of my bed until the dream has fully left me. Last night I actually found myself in the corner of my room standing up before reality set in, that there were in fact NO snakes in my bed.. I checked my bed anyway.

Why am I having these dreams? What exactly am I afraid of?

Where to go from here?