I have always loved with having one foot on the ground

"And then it was over, and somehow I thought ‘I’m free… finally.’ I was allowed the opportunity to go on and keep being myself. But now, after 6 months, I still can’t help feeling like I was most free when I was with him. I was free to love as hard as I wanted and be accepted, truly, for every part of me, including my shortcomings. I was free to tell someone exactly how I felt about them, and how they made me feel about myself, and bask in the loveliness of not needing anything else. From what I can tell, he’s convinced himself that he’s never been happier. Maybe he thinks ‘fitting in’ will be the answer to finding another girl that loves him more than I did, or finding one that won’t make him hurt as bad as I did." 

"My advice to you is stop being selfish and start loving as hard as you can. Don't listen to anyone else, and for the love of God, if you meet someone that is your perfect compliment, bring him with you wherever you go. "

-One that will remain nameless

Thank. you.
Thank you and thank you, for putting words to exactly what I couldn't put words to, my wonderful friend. Yes we all get it Claire, your incredibly independent, outgoing, bold, with a severe case of change addiction. You can solo mission 1,000's of miles, not dare be dependent on anyone, persevere through troubled waters, bend over backwards for academia and do it with fuckin smile.

we-get-it.

Sighhh.. it's suppose to be this way. It's hard for me to say that, but it is. I see you chasing simple, in spite, because this was everything but simple. Spite. I mean I get it, simple is easy and stable which is probably comforting after all has been said and done, but I know you wonder through the angst..
Meanwhile, I'm trying to smile through the truth. I wish simple was enough, I really do, life would be like yours- stable. I have accepted that simply isn't me, but I am thanking you for showing me that being free comes in different forms. Thank you. This is the reason a piece is with you. This is the reason that this is not a new chapter, but a new book. This is the reason why I don't recognize myself in old photos. This is why I'm not scared anymore. This is why, you are.

..I take blame for that, so please. Please don't harbor the bitterness. 

Talk about vulnerable. Public confess. Slowly but surely, placing both feet on the ground, no more fear. Funny how every person's fear is unique to them. My current one a sort of oxymoron is you ask me. Thats what life is. Finding your monsters and learning to face them, to then hold their hand, understand them and send em on their way, closing the door behind them. It's easy to just exist, to sweep things under the rug, to be a victim, to live the life of easy. The consequences to that lifestyle are huge, yet settle. Huge that those people will never truly feel, settle that simple existence continues. I find myself in this often it seems, but the recreation always shows my a new color in the world that I never knew existed before.