19 lessons by Neil Fitzgerald

Meet Neil. 

He's one of the most incredible people I know. He's currently living in Australia, where I'm positive he's just handing out blissful smiles or wonderment to everyone that meets him. He kinda has the affect. Neil wrote these and I thought I'd share..

19 important lessons learned thus far

1. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.

2. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

3. Nobody cares if you can't dance well, just get up and dance.

4. If you find yourself on a bathroom-less European train with food poisoning and you're wearing a beanie, swallow your pride and get resourceful.

5. Sexual orientation is a myth

6. Never lick a steak knife.

7. The most destructive force in the universe is gossip.

8. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight savings time.

9. Family is everything

10. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can actually see a baby emerging from her at that moment.

11. The Gods of all major religions are blackmailers.

12. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age eleven.

13. A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person.

14. Everyone's a prostitute.

15. No, you can't paint like Jackson Pollock. 

16. Feminists f*** better.

17. Santa gives more to rich kids than poor kids.

18. Life doesn't care about your goals

19. Your friends love you anyway.