B-

I WANT TO..
-yell
-run for 3 hours straight
-throw rocks at windows
-take a baseball bat to a car
-drink a bottle of wine
-drive a race car
-jump off a cliff.. into water
-break something expensive
-scream at every single nursing school Dean in America

-cry.. hysterically

-rip clothing

This is what applying to nursing school is doing to me.  How do I handle this? The past five years of my life has been poured into my ultimate goal in life. That being to have a career that is focused around helping people, challenging, always changing and always opportunities to continue to learn, grow and travel, for the rest of my life.  I have unfortunately focused so much on this career path, that if it doesn't become a reality, I feel as though I might lose myself. If I do not accepted to a single school, I'm afraid of..myself.. how I'll respond. I have put every ounce of worth into what 5 people on a committee think of me on paper. They'll see that on average I'm a B- student, which is a huge difference between B, B+ and obvious A's. Although any B is above average, just above isn't good enough. I'm not good enough.

I love people and have the experiences and skills to work in a field that is essential to have ultimate people skills. I've traveled and I don't judge you if you haven't, but going into this field, I KNOW I have experiences with people and culture that others will not. I've volunteered in Thailand, I've been in student government at my university, I've been a camp counselor, I've been a nanny, I'm a certified behavioral therapist for autistic children, doctors and professors eagerly willing to vouch I'm qualified. But thats only 25% of what they will consider, in an occupation that its soul purpose is knowledge and skills of medicine AND PEOPLE SKILLS. Ughhhhh. At least this is a tad inspiring:

I laugh at myself. Every time I get super stressed I become this out of no where marathon runner. Well not technically but a week solid of 4milers. It keeps me from not throwing rocks at windows or screaming at people.. sane.