I didn't fall back asleep three or four times before facing the cruel world that I seem to be living in resent months. I kept my eyes open, threw open my curtains, laid in bed staring at the surprisingly sunny winter morning outside my window and instantly realized I still have my fire. As though I came to a breaking point of beatings, in which made the pendulum swing back the other way.
My fire.
It's what has me obsessed with travel, learning, loving, moving. It's what attaches me to others I find that have fire. It's all of who I am. I have never been in a place in my life where I'm not stimulated through a variety of outlets. I have always been in school, working and at least 2-4 extracurriculars. I thrive in controlled chaos and constant movement, as said many times in this blog, change is my happy place. But then I graduated. However I always had nannying to fall back on for a in-between job till nursing school, and that I did. So returning home from traveling I didn't doubt I would once again have nannying to fall back on. Wrong. It's as though someone let the secret out and everyone and their mom (literally) is chasing a nanny gig. Or someone has it out for me and is sabotaging me by telling every nanny seeking family that I eat babies for breakfast and toddlers for dinner. Or somehow there was a huge generation of kids that suddenly made it to school age and those pervious nannies are back in the market for a job. It has to be something in that the balance of nanny to family ratio is totally off. SOMETHING.
It's what has me obsessed with travel, learning, loving, moving. It's what attaches me to others I find that have fire. It's all of who I am. I have never been in a place in my life where I'm not stimulated through a variety of outlets. I have always been in school, working and at least 2-4 extracurriculars. I thrive in controlled chaos and constant movement, as said many times in this blog, change is my happy place. But then I graduated. However I always had nannying to fall back on for a in-between job till nursing school, and that I did. So returning home from traveling I didn't doubt I would once again have nannying to fall back on. Wrong. It's as though someone let the secret out and everyone and their mom (literally) is chasing a nanny gig. Or someone has it out for me and is sabotaging me by telling every nanny seeking family that I eat babies for breakfast and toddlers for dinner. Or somehow there was a huge generation of kids that suddenly made it to school age and those pervious nannies are back in the market for a job. It has to be something in that the balance of nanny to family ratio is totally off. SOMETHING.
At this point in my life I really have nothing to offer the job market. My serving experience is limited to three months of opening wine bottles, plate balancing and chatting with older, small town Australian couples. My retail experience while broad, is very much a part of my life when I could handle whoring myself out to unruly brand hungry, customers. Oh and that bachelors degree I obtained? Only a piece of paper to cut my time in nursing school in half. So basically worthless for seeking a current job. $40,000 well spent. But I have had nannying. Five years of experience and on top of actual nanny experience-- camp counselor, volunteering, first aid trained, ABA trained, CPR trained, the list goes on. And it was rewarding, not to mention forever changing.
This morning I woke up with beautiful surrender. I'm letting the universe have it's way. This is not to be confused with giving up. I'm just going to stop making things go in the direction I think they should. I'm going to do everything I can to find a fucking job. But in between emails and interviews, I'm chasing the original source that has put me in a place of constant stimulation. My fire, my drive, my passion and the devoted love I have for my rare independence.
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