1.05.2012

oh hi 2012

Last night was a Misty night.
I've blogged about these occurrences before. If you're a faithful freebirdclaire reader, you'll recall what it means that I got to spend an evening with Misty. But more likely, you're a random, reading this random blog, so long story short Misty and I have been friends since we were five, rendezvous at PSU for college life, coincidentally both on the path of a career focused around medicine. Mine becoming a nurse and hers becoming a doctor. Therefore leaving me to only a handful of times a year I get to really spend time with Misty (in between terms when she's not working hard at her perfect GPA, med school resume and MCAT prep). So tonight was a rare occasion I got some heart time with this lovely soul and something that stuck out tonight..

"I'm doing what makes me feel me,
 that gives me understanding 
and a sense of being on top of the world"

This was brought up in a midst of a conversation about people in our lives accepting you for who you are. Misty comes from a family of farmers in middle of no where Oregon. So pursuing medicine can be confusing for people close to her at times. But this really resonated with me because I feel the same criticism for the opposite, that I am taking time off from pursuing what I thought made me whole (and still very well may be that). To be honest, the biggest critic is probably myself and any input from other people on this choice that even resembles some hesitation to my decision, really eats at me. As if I have to convince them and in turn convincing myself that I am making the right decision and chasing what makes me feel on top of the world right now. In the past five years I have put so much self worth into becoming a nurse, that now I cant help like feel like a bit lost. However I know I'm doing the right thing. It's all a bit confusing I know.
Lacey and I were watching The Devil Wears Prada last night as we reheated our leftovers and snuggled under a blanket in our ancient house that refuses to stay warm. As we watched Anne Hathaway bend over backwards to make it big in New York City, Lacey giggled and said "It's funny to watch movies like this, watching women our age chasing after their dream career, willing to destroy their personal lives for it, and you and I are nannies". Lacey shares the same "in the mean time job as me" and I envy her ability to be SO much "in the mean time". Why am I so affected by what society tells me is the "correct" way to live in only this part of my life? I'm really good with doing my own thing in every other genre of typical social life paths, except this one. Yet I'm positive I'm where I'm suppose to be right now. This is my current challenge, letting my self worth rest purely on.. me.

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