monsters

Everyone has insecurities. Everyone.
They drive people to do things that they openly know are wrong, embarrassing, wrong, hurtful etc. We are not robots and are driven by emotion and females tend to be victims of this more so then males. Our parents are also not robots and the first exposure to what emotion is, therefore effecting us for the rest of of lives. <-- [huge reason I don't want kids] I don't want to mess them up. I don't think I need to get into details here, but I know all of you can think of at least one incident where mom or dad said or did something that has effected you to this day. Aside from our gene pools, there's life experiences that also contribute to our little monster in our hearts. so I just wanna say this.. to the girls who take the time to recognize and mend..


I love you. I commend you.

I have a friend that's gorgeous, talented in so many ways, humbled and not to mention one of the few people I can always count on. We all know that girl. We think.. ugh she has it allll together, shes so pretty, her boyfriend is so perfect, her family is so great. I want to be her. Keep in mind that little do we know, she has a monster and we can only hope shes confronting it and that we find envy in ourselves. I know that girl. She's all those things, but she struggles with all aspects. Her biggest being the most confusing, she struggles with image.. hard. What?! But shes gorgeous! Shes so in shape, has amazing clothes and perfect teeth. Shame on me. I don't understand, and I don't think I ever will. But I love her for recognizing and.. well.. beginning the hard road of confronting herself and mending. This has been quite the encouragement to me because I am currently facing my monster.

Being good enough.
The roots are there, do I want to make that public information.. no. But opening that ugly door in the abyss of my soul.. comforting. I face it in many ways, but hardest is also current. Becoming a nurse is the most important goal in my life. The idea of rejection, failure, inadequacy, is pretty unbearable. Almost to the point I don't want to apply in fear of rejection. Fear is has powerful existence, and luckily my stubborn and bold personality might be enough to surpass the fear, but when judgement day comes in a form of a letter, I hope I can continue to mend..

 "you create your own reality". I live by it.