Cherish the unexpected

You know those moments.. that makes you feel.. real. Alive. Breathing. Feel.. human?

Different for everyone. Mine. Well I cherish them. You know what I mean. A break up that hurts sooo deep that you cry for days, or even months. You wake up in the morning and realize that person you loved is really gone. It hurts, it hurts in ways you didn't know it could. Nothing will ever be the same. Bed is my only refuge, you don't want to feel this, but really.. you actually do. You get drunk or call your best friend and she tells you you'll be ok and you don't believe her. You call him in you weakest moments, you hate yourself. Insecurity makes you do things out of character, you think "I'm not this person". You convince yourself that you can be friends, he needs you, you need him. But really this isn't going anywhere so you do something to distract yourself, next thing you know you're running half marathons or almost fluent in french.

 --> But then.. one day. you're.. ok. The sun shines again.
You look back and realize those moments.. are what make you know you're alive. Real. A creature of emotion and strength. Not just a body of cells going through the motions.

..On the flip side. Beautiful moments. Maybe that year you worked at Whistler or that one summer you went to Maryland. You fell in love, felt careless and genuinely happy. You did something you loved, stepped outside of your comfort zone, learned something, felt.. proud of yourself. Yes I'm here because of me.. and I deserve it. You helped people. They told you.. that.. you changed their life. What? I'm important to someone that is important to me? You have your first tears of happiness, this really exists? This isn't just Hollywood. You don't think it can get better.. but then.. it does. How did I get this lucky. You met soul mates, not just the romantic kind. You find yourself catching fire flys at dusk and watching you're first lighting storm. Someone takes your hand and says I love you, not wanting anything in exchange. Your heart is bursting with joy.

 -->But then.. reality calls
You find yourself getting ready for bed and itunes plays a song that makes you feel nostalgic. It hurts.. I miss.. those times of feelings real. Pain or joy.

So then I find myself blogging way past my bedtime. Cherishing pain and joy. Those emotions that make us real, and point in the direction of something greater then we will ever be able to explain.

Cherish them.