runners cramp

I'm a runner, I run and run and run after what I want. 

I'm always running and then.. I make stop. 

Good or bad places I find myself in, I constantly find yet another reason to run. 

But the running catches up to me, as it has now and always does. 

There are few moments in my life where I can say I've been truly content. I definitely have those moments that I am fully content, but they are less rather then more. It's not to say I'm not happy, just never full, always thinking "if only". While traveling I missed Portland, then I'm in Portland and I want to travel. I love him, I don't, I love him, I don't and relationships fail me. I hate school I can't wait to be done, I love school I can't wait to go back. As I've said in many blogs before change is of the most important values, for this exact reason. I run and I run and as long as I'm running I'm happy. This has happened before where I find myself in a place thats more calm and the other half that got left behind in the marathon, finally has time to catch up.. then it hits me. My two sides meet and become one.. Reflection leading to tears of happiness, regret, anger, gratefulness and sadness all at once. It's quite overpowering, and honestly can be unhealthy. Especially this time.
I'm hoping at this pit stop, I can negotiate with the runner and the one that gets left behind. Maybe a hand in hand jog, not a marathon runner and a mild stroll. That the runner and walker can live harmonious with a touch of understanding. That I can learn to truly conceptualize why I do what I do, to dissect emotions and learn to deal with it in a way thats healthy and less drastic. Today was a start. I was honest. The honest truth about something I regret and have been to embarrassed to admit. Luckily I have friends that do not judge, but commend me on my bravery to express such mistakes. Back to square one.. back to "picking up the pieces". Wish me luck.