oh hey regret, I knew you'd come around

This was suppose to be just a redo of a single class. A simple easier round two. But instead it has been a material reminder of failure, regret and static behavior. In turn amplifying other confusions unrelated to biology and to sum it it up, a big UGH.
January 5th I went diving under my bed to pull out my enmorous box of the dreadful left overs. All the remains of every science class that decides my future of being a nurse, or not. Saved exams, quizzes, flash cards, midterm reviews, diagrams, notes and notes upon notes waited for me. I sorted out all the winter term anatomy and physiology documentation into piles of old exams, notes, lab stuff and personal notes. I took notice of the amount of paper and taking advantage of no one being home, I bawled. I cried like a fucking baby. To put so much work into something only for it to mean nothing, to do it all over again.
Ok so I'm retaking this one class because I got a C in it, why? Break-ups aren't exactly a piece of cake and happen to effect my grades. How could I let something effect me like that? It was two years ago when that relationship ended- its now two years later I'm retaking A&P 302 which I was taking during that time hardship and its two years later, I feel similar emotions. Two years later, I moved on from that relationship, I dated someone else, traveled and lived in a different country for 6 months, made new friends, kept old ones, lived with my best friends on a dime, continued to do what I loved and discovered new ones. Yet I find myself feeling like I took 7 steps backwards. I feel like I didn't learn a damn thing.

Symbolism is a silly thing

If my metaphors haven't sunk in by now this isn't necessarily about the actual retaking of this one class, it just happens to be a physically existing piece of my life that happen to be a monumental one. This is me doing what I do, comparing and contrasting the past and present. The result? Not impressed two years later, I made some stupid decisions. I sit here two years later feeling like I didn't learn a single thing when it comes to relationships. Humans, what poorly made creatures when it comes to emotions. I think I do an ok job with the "would of, should of, could of's" and not to dwell on them, because I do believe life happens how its suppose to whether it plays out one way or another. Going about the approach to life is the challenge..

January 10th the regret got the better of me. Regret beyond the most detrimental emotion to exist and brought me to throw the towel in, give up, game over, no more, I'm done. I had a few that decided to pick up that towel and hand it back to me..

David
Carly
Allison
Rena
Misty
Lyndsey

Thank you for recently saving my sanity.

January 12th
One success, phenomenal friends they never fail me.
Now how to face.. regret.