Cherish the unexpected

You know those moments.. that makes you feel.. real. Alive. Breathing. Feel.. human?

Different for everyone. Mine. Well I cherish them. You know what I mean. A break up that hurts sooo deep that you cry for days, or even months. You wake up in the morning and realize that person you loved is really gone. It hurts, it hurts in ways you didn't know it could. Nothing will ever be the same. Bed is my only refuge, you don't want to feel this, but really.. you actually do. You get drunk or call your best friend and she tells you you'll be ok and you don't believe her. You call him in you weakest moments, you hate yourself. Insecurity makes you do things out of character, you think "I'm not this person". You convince yourself that you can be friends, he needs you, you need him. But really this isn't going anywhere so you do something to distract yourself, next thing you know you're running half marathons or almost fluent in french.

 --> But then.. one day. you're.. ok. The sun shines again.
You look back and realize those moments.. are what make you know you're alive. Real. A creature of emotion and strength. Not just a body of cells going through the motions.

..On the flip side. Beautiful moments. Maybe that year you worked at Whistler or that one summer you went to Maryland. You fell in love, felt careless and genuinely happy. You did something you loved, stepped outside of your comfort zone, learned something, felt.. proud of yourself. Yes I'm here because of me.. and I deserve it. You helped people. They told you.. that.. you changed their life. What? I'm important to someone that is important to me? You have your first tears of happiness, this really exists? This isn't just Hollywood. You don't think it can get better.. but then.. it does. How did I get this lucky. You met soul mates, not just the romantic kind. You find yourself catching fire flys at dusk and watching you're first lighting storm. Someone takes your hand and says I love you, not wanting anything in exchange. Your heart is bursting with joy.

 -->But then.. reality calls
You find yourself getting ready for bed and itunes plays a song that makes you feel nostalgic. It hurts.. I miss.. those times of feelings real. Pain or joy.

So then I find myself blogging way past my bedtime. Cherishing pain and joy. Those emotions that make us real, and point in the direction of something greater then we will ever be able to explain.

Cherish them.

The best decision of my life

 FYI: you wont get a majority of this is you weren't a camp counselor.. but you most likely will appreciate the story..

One night in the winter of 2005 I researched some summer jobs that involved something with horses and I stumbled upon being a camp counselor.. applied.. and got the job.

Best decision of my life.

In the three summers I was a camp counselor I have met people from all over the world, impacted numerous young minds and had amazing summers free of alcohol as a tool of fun. People who decide to become a camp counselor are a breed of their own. We are usually outgoing, well traveled, happy souls who loves kids. To be surrounded by people of this type for summer at a time is just what the heart needs. I have learned so much about myself and life for that matter by such an under-rated summer job. I realize that doing something for others is most rewarding, that when I show love and respect to a child, their trust and admiration is more genuine because of there innocence. To this day I keep in touch with almost everyone I was close to from every year of camp. It's such a special friendship, most of my camp friends being from different countrys, time differences and long distance charges keep us from being up to date on every aspect of each others lives, but still after 6 months to even a year of not talking, if someone is in town, they are as good as family. I guess we understand each other on a different level. No one else understands what "purple" really means, the words to the moose song, creativity of the use of duck tape or the value of sharpy's. living in close quarters is on a different level and so is being dirty. The appreciation of a good meal and coffee for that matter humbles us. Camp is like a bubble, 140 camp counselors, eating, sleeping, working and playing with in a few square miles, you become closer to someone a lot faster then any other situation. We all are here for the same reason, doing the same thing, all from different places in the world and all we have is each other.
We wake up at 6am, go to staff meeting, half awake listen to the weather for that day and things to be aware of. We Laugh at silly praises such as bobby saving me from burning down the dining hall and rolling our eyes when Kari asks for another prayer for her mom's cousin's friend's dog. The specialty staff heads down to the barn, ropes course or waterfront to prepare for the day while the cabin counselors somehow find a genuine love for flag pole every morning and turn their kids into superheros or pirates using beach towels and face paint. Meals are always interesting, 600 people in one building, eating at the same time, not to mention singing is almost equivalent to a cup of coffee, almost. My days at camp usually consisted of teaching fitness, spicing it up with Ben or Brandi with some neon spandex and dancing our way into "x-treme fitness". Followed by convincing my little JV campers how to ride a horse and that the horse isn't going to bit them, kick them, run off or flat out not like them. After I put our petrified 8 year old on our close to dead horse (M&M) that barely walks, she feels more comfortable and is happy as a calm at the end of the lesson, thinking she rode a horse when really M&M is a 35 year old horse that wants nothing more then to walk in a circle and never go any faster. The rest of the day is usually at the barn, cleaning stalls, teaching lessons, leading trail rides and riding horses that need a talking to. Evening programs are the best part of the day, night time brings cool weather and this is when the kids go crazy. Capture the flag, dances, staff basketball games, skits or the weekly dance party. When evening programs are over we head back to our cabins, brushing teeth and putting on PJ's seems to be rocket science with older girls when all they want to do is talk about boys, eat candy and sit in everyones bed accept their own. Most of the time they manage to figure it out, and we finish the day with "happys and crappys" (something you loved about the day, you didnt like and another loved about the day).
and that's just the camp part of it. Weekends off with the rest of the counselors meant going to New York City, Baltimore or Philadelphia, then coming back to camp to have a bon fire on the Chesapeke Bay and falling asleep on the beach. Beautiful summers.

Then.. 

This photo was taken in the summer of 2007. After camp ended a group of us went to Florida: Sweden, Scotland, New Zealand, Germany, Australia, Canada and America all represented under one roof. Then a few months later being inspired by these amazing people, I left the country for the first time.. and my life has never been the same. Travel is something that is and will forever be at the top of my list. I owe so much to River Way Ranch Camp and Sandy Hill Camp for making me the person I am and giving me opportunity's and "memories and friendships to last a lifetime".
I sit here reminiscing about something that is my past, but now so much of my future. The places I have gone, people I have met, the best friends I obtained, passions I discovered and qualitys I've acquired, are all linked to these summers. *Grateful

playing with my creative side.. if that exists

I bought an adorable skirt at a recycled clothing store for only $8, I find myself loving a lot of old lady clothes. Some of my favorite clothes are from estate sales. Nothing like a cute and comfy sweater or a loose fitted blouse. Well the skirt was of course an old lady brand and was just past the knees, in need of a major hem. My mom can do all that stuffff and hemmed all my jeans throughout my youth, I took it to her.
Being a mom, she made me do it, as she walked me through it. I use to know all the in's and out's of the sewing machine and simple hand stitching from when I was 14, yes 14. My freshman year of high school I went to Fountain Valley High School in good ol Orange county California. For an elective I took a class called "Fashion Technology", only in California right? But we all were assigned a sewing machine and learned the basics. I remember that our final was to design a line with one featured and three additional. I was very confused at who I was at that age, I was a punk rock listening, horse riding, track running, wanna be rebel child. To say the least, quite awkward. For this "line" I chose a punk theme.
Learning to sew is on my bucket list and hemming my skirt the other day has inspired me. I'm sure my obsession with Project Runway has added to my inspiration as well.. haha. I bought an easy pattern today, I'm not sure how I feel about the fabric I chose but we'll see how it turns out!

monsters

Everyone has insecurities. Everyone.
They drive people to do things that they openly know are wrong, embarrassing, wrong, hurtful etc. We are not robots and are driven by emotion and females tend to be victims of this more so then males. Our parents are also not robots and the first exposure to what emotion is, therefore effecting us for the rest of of lives. <-- [huge reason I don't want kids] I don't want to mess them up. I don't think I need to get into details here, but I know all of you can think of at least one incident where mom or dad said or did something that has effected you to this day. Aside from our gene pools, there's life experiences that also contribute to our little monster in our hearts. so I just wanna say this.. to the girls who take the time to recognize and mend..


I love you. I commend you.

I have a friend that's gorgeous, talented in so many ways, humbled and not to mention one of the few people I can always count on. We all know that girl. We think.. ugh she has it allll together, shes so pretty, her boyfriend is so perfect, her family is so great. I want to be her. Keep in mind that little do we know, she has a monster and we can only hope shes confronting it and that we find envy in ourselves. I know that girl. She's all those things, but she struggles with all aspects. Her biggest being the most confusing, she struggles with image.. hard. What?! But shes gorgeous! Shes so in shape, has amazing clothes and perfect teeth. Shame on me. I don't understand, and I don't think I ever will. But I love her for recognizing and.. well.. beginning the hard road of confronting herself and mending. This has been quite the encouragement to me because I am currently facing my monster.

Being good enough.
The roots are there, do I want to make that public information.. no. But opening that ugly door in the abyss of my soul.. comforting. I face it in many ways, but hardest is also current. Becoming a nurse is the most important goal in my life. The idea of rejection, failure, inadequacy, is pretty unbearable. Almost to the point I don't want to apply in fear of rejection. Fear is has powerful existence, and luckily my stubborn and bold personality might be enough to surpass the fear, but when judgement day comes in a form of a letter, I hope I can continue to mend..

 "you create your own reality". I live by it.

that weird kid that couldnt eat peanut butter growing up.. I'm that.. In the adult version

I figure I should educate you all on what being gluten intolerant actually is. I have had some pretty hilarious questions like "can you eat eggs?" and "OMG Claire the chips were eating, are made in a factory that also manufactures wheat!!!"

1. I do not have an ALLERGY. So no my throat won't close up, break out in hives and need an epi-pen stabbed in my arm.
2. Gluten is anything made with wheat, barely or rye. Hence I can eat eggs.
3. I too thought my life was over and I couldn't eat anything that tasted good ever again. But surprisingly enough my life didn't end and its actually so much better.

For about a month I went from a girl that doesn't EVER get a headache to constant migraines. Nothing made the migraines go away, Excederine only calmed them down. I was exhausted all the time, it didn't matter how much sleep I got, all I wanted to do is lay in bed. I was drinking an entire pot of coffee a day and did nothing for me, energy drinks were the only thing that made me feel like I could at least get out of bed and go to class. I have always been an active person and at this time my boyfriend had been training me for a good couple of months, so I was in pretty good shape. I went from running 5 miles no problem to barely being able to run one. Muscle fatigue was so intense that I had a hard time walking up the 4 flights of stairs to my criminal justice class. So to say the least I was miserable, frustrated and a little scared. Something was obviously wrong.
For a month I was in and out of doctors, they took blood tests and everything was normal. Their conclusion was depression, and wrote me a prescription. This frustrated me even more, I was definitely not depressed nor was I about to take a pill to cover up the problem. I finally went to a nautropath. After explaining my symptoms they asked if I had done anything different in the past month, actually I had, I had stopped drinking alcohol. They then asked if I was craving salt and thirsty more then normal, and I hadn't thought of it, but I was.
I was diagnosed with non-Addison's hypoadrenia (adrenal gland exhaustion). Basically I did such a good job stressing myself out over school and ex-boyfriends in the past year that I maxed my adrenals. If you don't know much about this lovely organ, its responsible for the release and control of cortisol, adrenaline and hormones which are essential to our body's stressors, normal function of the brain, digestion, blood pressure etc. This makes even more sense to me being a science major and the effects on the cell level that cause the side effects. The most important part of our body and its functioning it the sodium potassium pumps of our cells, this is why dehydration can be fatal and where a hang over comes from, to name a few. Apparently having alcohol in my diet was just enough of a stimulant to keep me going, but also acting as a band aid while the problem got worse. As soon as I cut alcohol out of my diet, my body said "game over" and wanted to stay in bed and heal.

The nautropath explained that because my body was at its most vulnerable point, it wouldnt respond to past stressors such as food intolerance's. She suspected gluten to be adding to my symptoms. At first cutting out gluten was really difficult. My favorite breakfast was bagels and cream cheese, subway was my favorite on the go cheap meal and BEER, oh beer, how I LOVE beer. I started noticing a big difference after about 6 weeks. I still drink beer here and there because its just too damn good. I have found a few that are brewed with rice and although they arent gluten free bc of the barely malt, they dont effect me. I had a full on gluten meal while on my roadtrip a few weeks back, I must say that this diet is obnoxious when on the road. After a few meals of fast food restaurant salads made with non-nutrious iceberg lettuce and a few pieces of less then stisfying chicken, I was tried of being hungry. I caved and bought a subway sandwhich.
The next day we were in Vegas and unfortunately muscle fatigue set in to its fullest and I could have slept on the strip I was so tried. I spare a few other side effects, but to say the least, it SUCKED. It's interesting to me the a food can literally be poisionious to some people. Food allergys are usually linked from genetics or parents. We develop antibodies throughout our todler years and being introduced to foods that we dont have the anibodies to yet= a food allergy. As for intolerances, common ones being wheat, soy, diary, corn. Evolutionary we didnt have these foods in abundance, back in the hunter gather days we eat meat, veg, rice and fruit, with the ocasional few eggs. only the past 10,000 years (which is a small amount since we've been around for millions) have not only ate those products, but in abundance.
Life is so much better cutting out the wheat, not to mention healthy, it keeps the weight off for sure. Luckily I dont have an allergy so I'll have a beer here and there. I have way more energy then I've ever had, my bummed knee feels better, no food coma feeling anymore, all around much happier. Thinking about going gluten free? My favorite meals:
-rice bowls with corn,beans, avocado, salsa and sour cream
-hardy salads
-tuna warped in lettuce leafs
-TONS of mexican food, carnitas tacos??
-sushi
-steamed veggies with chicken
-being in lovely Portland we have Bobs Red Mill that makes gluten free pancake mix, brownie, cookie etc
-quinoa, kinda like rice but better AND they make gluten free pasta out of this stuff and its goodddd


I probably explained a bit more then necessary, but there ya go, now youre educated.

home sweet home

I have been incredibly blessed to have had yet another summer of a lifetime. Summer River trip, Canada boyfriend trip, USA Road trip, Fionna visits, Trifecta Canada Trip and my finale: Lady GaGa.Now that I have finally unpacked all my clothes, put away the vodka and caught up on much needed sleep, I have time to take it all in.

I moved into a new house with three awesome girls in the Hawthorne district. I love it. I haven't lived in a house for a long time, I forgot how nice it is to have a backyard, a WASHER AND DRYER, front porch. My house is purple and truqoise, I think it fits me and everyone else in the house well. The front porch is my new refuge, nice comfy couch, a cup of coffee and Miles to keep my feet warm (Julias dog). This is home.

Lady GaGa

Neil: "Claire Lady GaGa is coming to Portland in August!"
Me: "OMG Neil, it would be like a night at CC's coming alive"

Tickets sold out within 24 hours, not to mention seats were prcied up to $300. I called radio stations to win tickets and looked on craigslist, both were fails. I was stoked when Neil told me he found tickets. His friend that had bought everyone's ticket for the gays, wasn't getting compensated, so I jumped on it.

My mom and I even bought an extra for my brothers birthday present. eek! My brother and I are 12 years apart, so we are finally at the age we can really be friends. After litterally half a year of waiting for this glorious moment, August 19th arrived. The concert was more then I could have hoped, I was the perfect drunk and with some of my favorite people. Most people see her as just another pop artist, and I agree, "Pokerface" got REALLY old. I dont even listen to the radio and I felt like I heard it 20 times a day. But honestly, to those of you who havent taken the time to really study her brillance, shes actually extremely intelligent as a person and a muscian. Her music videos all tell a story, that read deeper then a large hat and sexy back up dancers. I'll leave you to decide what the deeper meaning is. During her show she stopped twice to briefly talk about serious issues that she believes deeply in, she made me heart melt. Two people I love deeply happen to be gay. Lady GaGa happens to support gay rights with her heart and soul, during the concert she talked about how to of her dancers are in love and hope to some day get married, but marriage is difficult for them because they both happen to be males. I grew up in an unique home when it comes to this issue. My parents knew Travis was gay by the age of 5, and growing up my parents acted as though it was normal, because it is. I'm grateful I grew up in a home that I never had the option of questioning homosexuality. GaGa also empowered the audience with words of change, that our generation is bringing a new way of thinking and living. I love her and I love that her and I are the same age. Neil, Carly and I were dressed superbly and we didnt hesitate to take photos with randoms all night. Seems a bit coinceded but we were in GaGa mode, the mode o floving ourselves. The camp counselor came out of me at one point, three beautiful high schoolers were sitting behind us with their moms, and melted my heart. Something about that age 13-17ish that draws me to them, and gives me a sense of joy and compassion and probably the reason I was a damn good counselor. I told their moms they were the coolest moms ever and got to know the girls a bit better. They were both interested in going into the health field which of course made me love them even more, they played sports, made fun of me for being drunk and seemed like all around awesome young girls that are truly enjoying being young. My years of being a camp counselor showed me that so many young girls are trying to grow up way to fast. Those years around the age of 16 are hard, but unlike any age. youthful, free, careless, it makes me so happy to see girls that are loving their age and taking advantage of it. Also to see parents that are obviously doing a good job. At the end of the concert they asked for a photo with me and I told them to add me on facebook. Once again another experience affriming my passion, I can't wait to work with kids.

The afterparty was amazing, it was at the refuge and the venue had a rad futuristic vibe. Being on my continuous GaGa happy high, I talked to everyone, the limo driver, the gays, and even the security that wouldnt go let us see GaGa. It was a fabulous night with fabulous people and a fabulous way to end my fun for the summer.

"I want women -- and men -- to feel empowered by a deeper and more psychotic part of themselves. The part they're always trying desperately to hide. I want that to become something that they cherish." -Lady GaGa

The epic American road trip: the intro

I went to Australia last September with no expectations and lots of adventure. I wasn't looking for a relationship or even a romantic interest in Australia, but it found me. We both went into it realistically, knowing that our homes and citizenship were an ocean apart. I'm so grateful our ideals coincided quite beautifully and 10 months later we are about to embark on a 2.5 week road trip around the western part of the states. Now matter what happens with this boy, I have no regrets and SO MANY amazing memories.

While in Australia, Ben took the role of the boyfriend tour guide. I'm so grateful for this, knowing I got to see a lot more then your average backpacker not to mention with good company. I'm stoked I have gotten to return the favor in showing him around California, Oregon and Washington. So now we are taking off in the next hour to trek around 14 states, checking a few things off the bucket list, visiting friends and family along the way and seeing the beautiful world around me. It's funny how you neglect the wonders in your own country.

My travel ESSENTIALS..
[x] journal and pen (never a pencil)
[x] reading material: The irresistible revolution
[x] camera
[x] ipod
[x] string for friendship bracelets

lets go..

12:02am

wow.
If someone would have told me a year ago, that I would be in this position, this SAME position, I wouldn't be impressed. And I'm definitely not, but at the same time, not surprised.
I'd like to think (like everyone else) that we grow up, move on, let go, learn, challenge ourselves, be torn down and be built back up. I'm grateful for all the good and even the bad that comes into my life, lessons have been learned, understanding has been brought and patience has been acquired. But one situation has replayed over and over like a not funny version of "Ground Hogs Day" and when Bill Murray finally gets "his way", it always starts over. I have honestly tried everything to make "my way", and I have even tried the less favorable way, because I just want to wake up and it be the day AFTER grounds hogs day. But it never does, the clock hits 12:01am and I wake up in my shitty hotel room and the snow is still on the ground.
He says the same thing, and so do I. But it doesn't matter because at 12:01am everything starts over, except I'm the only one that seems to really re-live it. Although I don't even care about the stupid ground hog anymore, I'm STILL waking up every day and every day is ground hogs day. I'm tried of hearing the same people say the same things, everything is static, wheres the movement? I've tried all the ways to make it through the day, ignored it, hated it, loved it, all for the clock to continue pass 12:01am, but it always restarts. How do I get to the next day? Hopefully Bill Murray and I will end up in the same boat, and I will finally get the "right" day, or maybe the ground hog will finally give up.

I could cry from how much I love you

soul mate- n. One of two persons compatible with each other in disposition, point of view, or sensitivity. a person with whom one has a strong affinity. Biology. the phylogenetic relationship between two organisms or groups of organisms resulting in a resemblance in general plan or structure, or in the essential structural parts. Chemistry. the force by which atoms are held together in chemical compounds.

I only knew what affinity meant from my biology classes, so I looked up and definition and decided to include the bio/chem version because we all know how much I love science and everything it stands for. Especially in this circumstance..
There are some things that I know will be a part of my life and somethings I get the feeling that wont. I never put to much thought into this until a friend of mine told me he gets the feeling that he won't live long, that he can't see his life past age 35. I get that. I don't see myself "settling down" any time soon, not even in the next 10 years, its not that I don't necessarily want that, I just don't see it. One thing I know is that certain people will be in my life for a long time. It's beyond straight up emotions, it's chemical, magical, unexplainable.

I know not a lot of people have experienced this, and I'm not even going to try to describe it. But I will say this... a soul mate is not limited to a boy and girl romantic relationship. I find purpose, truth, contentment, simplicity, beauty, focus when those atoms line up just right. A dose of Canada was just what I needed and always need and will forever have. I love it when life smacks you in the face and says "hey, you're blessed ok? Remember that. Stop being selfish and lead be example. You're better then this, more then this, wiser then this, be better".

My weekend was all about laughing and loving with my soul mates. Sunsets with the view of Vancouver, swimming in green pools of melted snow, acquiring the first summer tan (in Canada?), cheap wine with a hint of board games. Skating, bike riding, guitar playing, church going, gluten free cookie indulging bliss. Thank you America's hat for a good one. We shall play again.


sorry Rena.. I love showing you off: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J4izUWRdrqs

Sunriver 2010

Amazing weekend, with my amazing friends. A huge group of us rented a house for the weekend to embrace summer and celebrate 23 years of life in honor of Caitlin and Rylee. I'm blessed.

Forever a college student

Hey, remember when facebook was only for college students, before your grandma could get one and not even community college student could have it, straight up university? I remember being STOKED that I could finally get rid of oh so uncool myspace and have facebook because I WAS A REAL UNIVERSITY STUDENT. I enjoy that I look back to my very first album on facebook being my first year at PSU, and 69 photo albums later I write this blog and realize facebook is the holder of my college experience.. I like that.

I choose PSU because I didn't want the typical state school, Greek life, where your school is your life. I wanted a more liberal school where I could meet people with similar interests to mine, that was in a city, but not like God forsaken So-Cal from where I was coming. I moved to Portland knowing one person, Misty who is ironically still conquering school with me. But now, after 4 years, I have created quite a life for myself. Joining student groups was the first thing I did, and one of the better choices I have made in my life thus far. We would register people to vote, educate people on climate change, go to leadership workshops and when we reached our goal we would get drunk and talk politics. Amazing.

Taking time off to travel was the best thing I could have done for myself for numerous reasons. But in the sense of school, I feel re-energized and decided I'm close to graduating, might as well. So nowwww my plan is to graduate Spring 2011 with a bachelors in social science and minor in photography,also all my nursing school pre-reqs in which I will then head to whatever nursing school wants me the following Fall. When my friends older then me started to graduate, I was like, wow college is coming to an end, then everyone my age graduated and NOW my younger friends and fellow 5 year seniors are graduated. I attended the graduation partys drank the champagne and I felt really old. Although I'm finishing last, I smile at my time at PSU, and the reflection process is in full swing..

Don't get me wrong, I definitely was educating myself on a mass amount of issues, but I was also taking part in the stupidity of a young college student. I lived in the dorms, I did kegs stands, I kissed boys I shouldn't have, I snuck into bars, I got drunk a lot and the result? I swam in fountains, snowboarded down stairs, built beer can towers in front of churches, yelled obscenities, trespassed, obtained un-necessary scars, carried to bed. I'm surprised I didn't die to be honest, one example being our famous yuka tradition in the Dorms at good ol West Hall. After finals every term we filled this FOUR tubs full of yuka which is 4 bottles of coconut vodka, 4 bottles of lime vodka, lemons and limes, ice and four bags of sugar. This event was usually held in my room or Laken's and we charged for anyone who wanted a straw. There was usually around 15 of us and on the count of three we surrounded the tubs, stuck our straw in and drank until it was gone. Stupid? yes. Regret it? not at all.
I write this now, because I realize college for me, is over in the sense of growing up. Generally starting a new level of school and finishing it whether it be middle school, high school or college, is always looked at as a new chapter in life. After that being a career, marriage, having children, etc. Although I won't have the piece of paper stating I put enough sweat and blood into college until next year, I'm absolutely, completely and totally beyond the sense of accomplishment with the past four years on the level of learning, the type you don't get from books.

Misty is one of my really good friends, we've been friends since we were 5! I don't get to see her that much because shes pre-med, but when finals are done we have our typical coffee at the usual spot, Park Cafe. When finals near, I start harassing her and get super excited, its like a sister relationship where I'm the annoying little sister who looks up to the older one and just wants to hang out all the time. haha. This time around of catching up Misty told me something that resulted in this blog. Misty is a mentor at PSU and has a class of freshman. After having those students for a whole year she asked them on the last day "how have you changed since your first day at PSU?" One girls response was "nothing has changed since the length of my hair, I date the same guy, live in the same place, have the same job and I go to the same school". WOW.

College is what you make it, change and growth only happens if you allow it to. Sure I could have stayed in my comfort zone at home and attended the nearest state school and kept my high school friends close but thats not what I wanted. I wanted to live on my own, new people, new city, new life, anything but comfort. It is hard for me to understand those who literally choose to forever stay in that comfort zone. Who don't utilize their time being young and something that offers endless amounts of ideas, knowledge, new people and beer.. haha. It's an incredible feeling working hard towards a GOAL, not just going to school to get the piece of paper, because going to college is what everyone else is doing.

Sacrificing your social life, drinking way to much caffefine, studying HARD, take the exam, rock it and walk out feeling exhausted but the sense of accomplishment is a bit addictive. I study about 30-40 hours a week, hence why I dont have a job. I get good grades and never let anything get in the way of that. I finished my last sequence of Ed's Anatomy and Physiology class, which I can't describe the pain of his class. Getting a B is like getting an A++ in any other class. I managed to be a part of a rad study group this term, its nice to have some moral support in the difficulty for studying for the exams. On Tuesday after our final, Ed even found his way to our campus bar and had a drink with us :)
We celebrated for real on Friday to the end of the term with a much needed night out , I love my science kids. Yes we took a "team photo".. world meet your future health care professionals..

I will be DONE with science after this summer.. finally!

dailys with mike degrow

these daily's put a lil hop in my step

gemini

My mom was that mom that threw the RAD themed birthdays. Ballerinas, jungle madness, cowgirls, luau and the infamous slumber party's, mine were kinda legendary. The handful of childhood friends that I do have, to this day pull out the ol "remember that one time at your birthday..". Not to mention I was the first to have a birthday party were we did the oh so scandalous "tping", but little did we know my mom had discussed it before hand with what ever boys house was the victim.

Well I missed those days.. and relived it this past weekend. BBQ, pinata, games,  party hats, bubbles, play-do and beer pong, oo that one doesn't fit. So just a few of my favorite people, low key and gangster status. I'm pretty blessed with the friends I have in Portland andddd all over the world. All of them so different and always interesting when I have a gathering like this because these people of all different backgrounds and interest, only come to together on these events. It makes me laugh that there's always a ton of introduction or "yea i met you at Claire's... last year". A few times a year I can drag my girls, snowboarding homies, my atheist best friend, homofied NYC boy, God's best friend, high school friends, blister loving rock climber, childhood friends, photo snappin nomad and fellow friends who frequent science classes.. allll together. All so different, all so great.

That variety of gifts was amazing. Everyone had gotten me something from a memory and certain thing the know about me, therefore all being so different.  On thought of this blog of birthday, I turn to recognition my wonderfully crazy zodiac sign of gemini. It makes sense that my key traits of being a gemini are change loving, people loving, freebird like tendency to have this variety in my life.

oh and happy belated birhday to RENA MURRAY. Not an accident that we were born one year and one day apart.

being a branch

welcoming beer back into my life

First drink in a month! And where more perfect then at the campus rail jam finals with the homies in VIP with free beer.. Mmmmm.

we did some work..

But stoked on life. Smug to the max. Birthday celebration today. Get it.

early birthday present!

What did I get for my birthday?

THE WORLD.
If any of you know anything about me, I'm kinda obsessed with planet earth. #1 goal in life.. become an RN, travel with that and make my mark with those less fortunate with my health like skills. On that note, I've wanted a globe since forever, I can stare at one for hours. This globe idea goes along with my vision of my future library with a massive globe in the middle, mmmm knowledge. Nerd? Yes. Every time I see them in stores, they are some ridiculous price. I mentioned to Ben I found one in one of my favorite vintage shops (the kind we had in our elementary school class rooms).

welllll I got my beloved globe with a big red bow on it, thoughtful Benjamin bought me my desired gift. Thanks boyfriend!! YAY!! Birthday this year shall be grand. Celebrating with a theme of a "original birthday". Straight up party hats, pinta, balloons, cake, water balloon fight, pin the tail on the donkey, legit 7 year old birthday party. Who would have thought a birthday after 21 would be exciting? That's my style..

1000

1000 views! Thanks!!

Just wanted to say thanks to everyone who finds my blog to be something interesting! I hope you have found some inspiration or a giggle at least. I did start this blog to document my love and must for travel and now its turned into my monthly pondering which some of you have obviously found of some interest! Stay tuned..

on that note..
I want to express some things that I am inspired by. I'm inspired by vegetarians, car-less, organic filled kitchens, 10% of profit to charity kind of individuals. People with devotion. People that do something that is difficult but its worth it because they truly believe in what they are doing. Even things I don't necessarily relate to such as waiting until marraige or veganism, I respect the crap ot of those people. This is something I REALLY wish I was better at. I've done the same to some extent, boycotting exxon/mobil gas (which is a horrible company) but I have realized I've done this when the other option is just as easy. Although a mobil gas station is right here, I can drive down the street to a shell station and all is right in the world.
I rescently gave up alcohol for a month and that was HARD, but in the end the challenge was met and totally worth the accomplishment. I want to step it up, and sorting out how I can do so. In a prfect world I would buy strictly organic, drive a fuel efficent car, have an energy effiencent home, buy only sweat shop free clothing, donate 10% of my sallary to my faovirte charity and sooo much more. But what it comes down to it money. It's exspensive to live that lifestyle and as a college student, money is the last thing I have.
I think its the absolute duty to someone who CAN afford these things, to do so. It's not an excuse to say I can't afford to do these things, but it is to say I can't do anything. It's incredibly out of my charater to do things I do not support and yet I continue to do so. Being that it is the begining of the 23rd year of my life, I WILL make it an absolute goal to be more devoted to what I believe in.

like mother like daughter

I've been suffering a mystery illness for a good month. Ughhh. I'm not a big fan of doctors because most of them treat the symptoms and not the cause, not to mention I'm one of the millions of American's without health care. With a combination of my general science/health knowledge and my hippie mother I try to overcome what most people go to the doctor for.

Being in bed all day today I was not ashamed at 22 years old that I needed my mommy, and I sought the mother bird. Mom picked me up, bought me some my favorite Thai soup, made me some of her special tea, fed me her hippie remedies, put on the reggae music and I'm feeling a bit better.



I sit here on Friday night, catching up on homework, since the past two days I was bed ridden, happy I'm feeling better and laughing at my current observation. Although, like every mother and daughter, my mom and I butt heads. But I can't deny the similarities of mommma trips and I, those main traits being our strong independence and love for solo time. She set her plans back a few hours to tend to me, which was to go to a concert with her boyfriend. He canceled and she doesn't bat an eye, and is out the door to go see Midnite. I love that.. and laugh because I would do that same.

Every guy I have dated, it is an absolute must that they understand my love for me time and my solo missions. Kinda funny my last blog was about me loving a solo Sunday night. It warms my heart to see some of the traits that make me who I am, in the person from where they came from.

xx freebird

rainy spring night

Being a true Oregonian, I love the rain.

A week of sun finished off with a warm spring night of rain, amazing. Peppermint tea, Frank Sinatra, clean (not to mention adorable) apartment, homework/ studying done, spending time with yours truly, awwww yeahhuhhhh. Simple.. and on that note. Simple blog.

:)